Here 'tis, Keenan...sort of.

[The Shadow]

A couple quotes from yesterday:
Shady: "YES. SAVE THE SHARKS...oh, it's a trout."

Coworker Chris (I do not like this guy at all): "What's that?"
Shady: *holds up DVD box* "Bubba Ho-Tep!!!"
Coworker Chris: "That movie's terrible!"
Shady (outraged): "WHATEVER, YOU LITTLE PANSY. BUBBA HO-TEP ARE ROXORZ!"
Coworker Chris:
Shady: "'President Kennedy was a white man!' Oh hi, this is Sheldon calling with the Gallup Organization of Lincoln, Nebraska on behalf of Wachovia Banks..."

Coworker Natalie (our desks are back-to-back, so we end up babbling a lot): "I was looking through your CDs..."
Shady: "Yes?"
Coworker: "It was something like, Metallica [would have been S&M], Megadeth, Megadeth, Megadeth, Megadeth, Megadeth [Peace Sells...But Who's Buying?, Rust in Peace, Countdown to Extinction, Cryptic Writings, and Youthanasia], Rammstein [Sehnsucht], and just as I was thinking, 'Oh. These are all the CDs a Satanist would have," I find The Passion of the Christ soundtrack."
Shady: "Yes?"
Coworker Natalie: "Nothing, just observing something."

Coworker Natalie: "Whaaa...? She says to please record after the beep and then there's the beep and this EREEEROOOREEEEUOOOO sound going on."
Shady: "Maybe you're trying to record at the same time as Lassie..."
(Unbeknownst to Shady, someone out there has just picked up the phone he was dialing and begins listening to the conversation now)
"...EREEROOOOOOO!!! TIMMY'S IN THE WELL ERREEEE - Hello?"
Respondent: "Hello?"
Shady: "Hi, this is Sheldon with the Gallup Organization of Lincoln, Nebraska -" *begins laughing into microphone*

[DEATH]

Jack Nicholson, as Joker in the original (and best) "Batman" from 1989. This scene is classic:

*Bruce Wayne's girlfriend (Kim Basinger) waits at a table in an art museum for Bruce to show up for her date. She gets a mysterious box from the Joker with a gas mask she is instructed to put on. The Joker proceeds to gas everyone to death, and then enters the art museum with his gang, dressed up as an artist.*

Nicholson: "Gentlemen! Let's EXPAND our minds!"

*The Joker's big huge strong gang guy turns on a cheesy 80's party song on a huge boombox (that he of course carries on his shoulder, in typical 80's style), and the whole group begins dancing around and randomly destroying famous works of art and defacing them with spray paint. They eventually find Wayne's girlfriend (who is a famous photographer for "Time"). The Joker instructs her to take her mask off, and he comes and sits with her at the table. The big guy ques classical music on the boombox*

Nicholson: *Grabs portfolio* "What's this?"

Basinger: "That's my portfolio. It's got my work in it. I was supposed to discuss it tonight with a friend."

Nicholson: *begins flipping through it's pages and reviewing the various epic pictures*
"Hmmmmmm........crap......crap.......crap.....more crap.....crap...
...crap......crap......crap......crap....."
*he finds violent pictures from a third world revolution*
"Ahhhhhhhh.....now THIS is GOOD WORK! The skulls! The bodies! You somehow just make it glow! I don't know if it's quite art, BUT I LIKE IT! You know, I too am an artist...."

Basinger: "I see......."

Nicholson: "Yes! The concept of it just came to me recently! Let me tell you what I'm thinking. You see, the other day, while I was in the bath, I realized why I was DESTINED for greatness. People these days obsess over what's attractive. 'This is', 'that is not', and so on. Well, that's all behind me now. Now, I do what other people only dream of. I make art until somebody dies!"

Basinger: "What?"

Nicholson: "Yes....yes..... I am the first fully functional homicidal artist! Don't tell me, I know, it's groundbreaking work. But I need a favor of you...."

Basinger: "W-W-What do you want me to do?"

Nicholson: "I want you to photograph and film my work, feed it to the masses. Together, we can become the 'avant garde' of the new asthetic!"


-----
eventually, Batman shows up and ruins the whole thing. But Nicholson is HILARIOUS in that movie. If you've never seen it, it's worth it to watch it just for these demented commercials that he (The Joker) broadcasts over the network TV broadcast, along with his weapon of choice, a ridiculously big six shooter revolver (the barrel is seriously like 2-3 feet long....it rules), and other bizarreness.

[ActsOfStupidity]

Taylor Sutton:"Obviously that couldn't have been Jesus in The Passion of the Christ because he had long hair."

Thomas Wheeler (saying something just to sound smarter than Taylor):"You know, I think that Mel Gibson decided to depict Christ as he did because there are many portraits of Jesus with longer hair and more people would be able to identify with that then some bald guy or whatever you thought Jesus looked like. I thought the movie was a good way to assist in evangelizing. The only dumb part was the little psycho-kids chasing Judas through the desert."

Taylor:"DURRR!!! Jesus got scourged...DURRR...DURRR"

Thomas:"Dude, you know that thing w/ the whipping and the no skin on the back thing and the whole 'being able to see Jesus's bones' thing? That's scourging."

Taylor:"No, it's not. You need to work on your teachings."

Then I stopped talking

[The Shadow]

Boss Jenny [ranting about birthday cake]: "You know what happiness is?! Happiness is cake! Not happy is NO CAKE."

[The Shadow]

In the spirit in which this thread was originally established, I present a dumb quote from Thomas Bond Wheeler, Esquire and myself:
Thomas: "I think you're faking it."
Shady (cursed with excruciatingly sore throat and loss of voice): "Yer mom's faking it..."

[The Shadow]

lol
And another dumb quote from myself, just rasped out as I was reading a highly biased MSN article describing Santa Barbara District Attorney Tom Sneddon as a "ruthless" "man on a mission.":
Shady: "Dude! That's my uncle! Woohoo!"

[ActsOfStupidity]

The said:

In the spirit in which this thread was originally established, I present a dumb quote from Thomas Bond Wheeler, Esquire and myself:
Thomas: "I think you're faking it."
Shady (cursed with excruciatingly sore throat and loss of voice): "Yer mom's faking it..."

This was quite possibly the most perverted thing i've ever heard come from your mouth.

[The Shadow]

That's quite a statement. Just wait till this most recent SU appears in your inbox. There's a bit in there about my eye socket...never mind.

[The Shadow]

Quote:
Shady's Republic Commando teammate: "You hear that, Fixer? Someone thinks I'm excellent!"

[DEATH]

from a recently received email from Dave Chase:

"New scam warning! I get TIRED of all those forwarded warnings as much as anyone, but this one is VERY important! I hope I'm not too late. Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks, Do not do it! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you NAKED. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now...
Oh well,
Dave Prince Chase.


P.S.
this might be a little dirty. If it is too much I am very sorry and shoudl probably be corrected. Thanks. Oh and I didn't come up with this I got it in an e-mail."


........

[Donkey]

Here's a funny quote:

Cast:
Cody Johnson: friend of Donkey
Jon Ward: Uncle of Donkey's g/f Tracy

Cody: What's this candle for?
Jon: It creates atmosphere.
Cody: *blows out candle*
Jon: What'd you do that for?
Cody[referring to the smoke]: It creates atmosphere!
Jon[getting up]: Well you're about as fun as a fart in an elevator.

Here's another one...but it may be Corinthian:
Paul Ward: Other uncle of Tracy

Paul[driving Cody back to Tracy's house]: You know, I think I'm starting to like you.
Cody: Oh really?
Paul: Yeah, like I'd like a good case of gonorrhea.
Cody: *fires WTF flag*
Paul: Every time I have a burning pee, I'll think of you.

[The Shadow]

A random quote from that AWEXOME '60s POW show, Hogan's Heroes, when the French dude is being interrogated by a Gestapo agent:
Gestapo agent: "And your name is..." *checks fake dogtag* "...Jock McPherson???"
French POW: *stomps feet* "Exactemonte! Hoot man!"

[The Shadow]

LOL. And another quote, this one from Donkey's MSN space entry:

...and I also got two million STOLEN FROM ME LIKE I'M SOME KINDA GOLD FARM...

lol...GOLD FARM? As opposed to, prehaps...GOLD MINE??? lol#nosmileys

[Donkey]

Yer MOM'S a gold mine!

[The Shadow]

Well, YOUR mom's been golded for mines!