Here 'tis, Keenan...sort of.

[ActsOfStupidity]

YOUR MOM'S BEEN GELDED BY LANDMINES!



what...

[The Shadow]

Yer gold's been mommed for mines!


Quote:
Shady: "You're full o'crap."
Jeni Adams: "Obviously I'm not; my eyes are blue."
Shady:

[DEATH]

Random background banter from the intro to the song "Inside" off of Van Halen's 1985 release "5150":

Sammy Hagar: "You know, you've got a point!"

Alex Van Halen: "Shut up...."

Sammy Hagar: "Wait a second.....you've....you've got THREE points! *breaks into demented laughter*"

Alex Van Halen:

Eddie Van Halen: "HEY! Where'd you got THOSE clothes, Sammy?" *in a condemning tone*

Sammy Hagar: "Out of YOUR closet!" *again breaks into laughter*

Eddie Van Halen: "More like out of my WIFE's closet!"

......................

[McGee]

Last day of Quest at ACC.

Doc: "this guitar sounds a little weird."
Josh: "Could it be that you are playing it upside-down?"
Doc: " oh so that's why it felt weird."

Doc: "hey Keenan i like your new car."
maybe 15 to 20 minutes later.........
Doc: "Oh wow Keenan...when did you get here?"

Doc afterwards...

[The Shadow]

lol
Cady's funny - she was awesome when hypnotized.

"It's eleven!"

[DEATH]

AWESOME humor from the Megadeth message boards. A guy wandered on and acted all shocked about Dave not endorsing Jackson guitars and switching to ESP, which happened about 3 years ago. Hilarious sarcasm ensued:

Question: "What is this *deleted* about Dave pushing ESP guitars? What happened to Jackson?"

Replies, in chronoligical order:

"Hey guess what Megadeth Released a new album last year too!"

"And David Ellefson isn't in the band anymore as well, LOL." (fired in 2002)

"Marty quit the band? OH NOES!!!" (quit in 2000)

"OMG Nick Menza just got fired!" (fired in 1999)

"Gars Samuelson isn't in the band any more?! WTF?" (happened in 1986)

"hey dude!
i've heard of a new band
called megabath or something like that, i was too drunk to catch the name
they rock" ('Deth formed in 1985)


"I hear Mustaine got kicked out of Metallica. WTF?" (happened in 1983)

"I heard there's a new redhead kid in school, Dave Mustang or something?"

"you guys ever heard of this new band called black sabbath?" (Sabbath formed in the 60s)

"This just in:
President Lincoln's been shot"

"This just in, George Washington is the first president of the U.S.A."

"*deleted*, did you hear? They invented this weirdass thing called a "gutter" or something like that.. 6 lines go from the top to the bottom and you flick one of them there lines to make a noise."


"Hear ye, hear ye:

A new world has been discovered over the ocean. There be much gold and riches to be found."


"HOLY *deleted*, MY TIME MACHINE WORKS!!!!!!!!"


"All legions return to Rome, the great city is under attack by a barbarian horde!"


"When Groblor rub dry twigs or stones, Groblor see warm light!"


"*caveman grunting noises*"


"And on the 7th day..."


"Did you hear a big comet is coming? Its gonna apparently whipe out all the dinosaurs!"



"*can no longer undertsand you because monkey's dont understand english*"

[The Shadow]

LOL!!!

[The Shadow]

Here's my own dumb quote, coming from an in-class essay I wrote in American History I yesterday.
The assignment was to discuss the causes of the Civil War, and so I got onto the issue of slavery. Looking at it from a Southern standpoint, and after talking about Frederick Douglass' less-than-credible book that had everyone furious at slaveholders, I wrote something like the following:
"So really, the North stepping in and messing up the Southern economy is a classic example of the old saying, 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease.' To take the analogy further, the grease would, in this case, have to be emancipation. You can do a lot with grease, so it's no wonder the blacks wanted it so much."

[DEATH]

From someone's bumper sticker in an OTC parking lot:

"Live each minute as if your --- (butt) was on fire!"

[The Shadow]

lol
From "The 40-Year-Old Virgin", which I admit to having seen last night with some coworkers from DT:
SmarTech employee 1: "Did you just flick my nuts, man?"
SmarTech employee 2: "No, I'm punching them." *punches employee 1 in private area and slaps him in the face*
SmarTech employee 1: "Thanks for that, dude." *hugs coworker and leaves*



Steve Carrell: "There were two sides to that billboard...and they both hurt equally."

[DEATH]

From Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, which I recently acquired:

A scene from when Bill & Ted arrive in their first personal hell:

Bill & Ted: "IT'S COLONEL OATS!"

*Oats walking towards them*

Colonel Oats: "GENTLEMEN!"

*Oats gets up in Ted's face*

Colonel Oats: "Welcome to Hell."

Ted: "No.......way!"

Oats: "WHAT?

Ted: "No way......SIR!?"

Oats: "You two....*walks over to Bill*...are going to do whatever I tell you to do from now on! IS THAT CLEAR? "

Bill: "YES, SIR, DUDE!"

Oats: "WHAT?"

Bill: "YES, DUDE, SIR!"

Oats: "WHAT?"

Bill: "YES, SIR, SIR, DUDE!"

Oats: "DROP AND GIVE ME.......infinity."

*Bill and Ted drop and begin to do pushups*

Bill *to Ted*: "Dude.......there's.....no way.......I'm going to be able to do......infinity pushups!"

Ted: "Well.......maybe if we do them girlie style......"


From when they first arrive in Hell:

Bill: "NO WAY! We got TOTALLY lied to by our album covers man! It looks TOTALLY different!"

later....

Ted: "Bill, if we die, you can have my Megadeth collection!"

Bill: "But dude, we're already dead..."

Ted: "oh....yeah....well then they're yours!"

later......

Satan: "CHOOSE YOUR ETERNITY!"

Ted: "CHOOSE YOUR OWN, YOU FAG!"

*Satan throws Ted down a hallway*

Bill: "YOU UGLY....RED.....SOURCE OF ALL EVIL!"

*Satan throws Bill down a hallway*

[The Shadow]

lol
As told to me by Thomas, here's a great one from Richard:
Richard: *shoots Clyde Sutton in the face with the sniper rifle on Halo*
Clyde: *dies instantly*
Richard: "I got him in the headshot!"

[The Shadow]

From the Rockline interview of Dave Mustaine:
Caller (deep Southern accent): "Um, yeah, I just wanted to know what the inspiration was for 'When' [song on The World Needs A Hero."
Dave Mustaine: "The song 'When?' Oh, I hated somebody and wanted to let him know without saying his name."

[DEATH]

From Julie, TEH QOUTE MACHINE:

*Mom talking about how she was supposed to rehab her recently scoped knee, with sarcasm*
"I can't put any weight on it for a while, the ACLU is still healing"

*Julie walks by*
"ACLU?! Aren't they that associate for black people?"

[The Shadow]

WOW...no quotes for an entire YEAR!
*Sheldon decides to restart this thread with an awesome quote:*

Yul Vazquez (as Cedric the gay thug in Seinfeld): "WHO?!? WHO DOESN"T WANT TO WEAR THE RIBBON?!? "