THE OFFICIAL ROLE PLAYING THREAD

[The Shadow]

*The Shadow arrives, and, sorely in need of a ride to cruise around Peru in, somehow siphons his wickedly fast, chopped Plymouth Belvedere of Street Rod fame out of DEATH's computer and into THE OVEN, which he uses to bake the Belvedere into perfect shape, counteracting its ridiculously tiny scale (after all, it was about seven inches by three on the game) by jamming a basketball pump-thingy's needle into the exhaust pipe and inflating it to reasonable proportions. He then challenges ActsofStupidity and his IRON DUKE to a RACE.*

[DEATH]

*DEATH resurrects Dave Mustaine and puts him in charge of organizing the 3 on 3 tourny, while he (DEATH) jumps into the Camaro to go the the race.*

*DEATH arrives as Sheldon and Thomas are lining up. The heavily modified Belvedere throws some deafening revs at the IRON DUKE, which in it's glorious stock 90-horsepower-ness, throws a few weedeater revs, typical of the modern inline 4 cylinder motor. Little to the knowledge of The Shadow, however, ActsOfStupidity has equipped his 150ish-cubic inch powerplant with a heavy shot of "the nitros......shhhhhh!". DEATH resurrects James Hetfield to flag the start of the race, standing as traditionally, between the two street monsters. The race will soon begin...*

MEANWHILE....

*At the team registration for the Tourny and the subsequent drawing up of the bracket, a most heinous entry is entered. Sporting a team of Vic, a resurrected Atilla the Hun, the T-800 and a resurrected group of Ostrogothic warriors for fan support, The Disintegrators enter the tourny. With pre-made uniforms with the team name, which also happens to be the team theme song and warm-up music, Vic explains the intentions of his trio:

"The slayer's arrived on a black horse of steel.
Trouble is coming, hell on two wheels.
Hide in the shadows, awaiting defeat,
Or live by the sword, and choose to be free .

We say retribution
We say vengeance is bliss
We say revolution
With a cast iron fist

Coming down the road
Watching every move
Kicking in the doors
Taking what we choose

Anarchy's coming to town, a fiery invader!
Burning it down to the ground, The Disintegrators!"

A resurrected and vengeful Question Mark Man sarcastically notes that a forged iron fist would be several times stronger than a mere cast iron fist. Unfortunately, nobody finds this funny, and a large WWII Japanese battleship falls out of the sky and crushes him as punishment for being retarded (Fate would not have wasted an American/high quality battleship for such a task). Thankfully, for some reason, QMM was standing in the middle of the corn field for some reason, and thus mass tragedy was avoided, AND a new platform from which fans can observe and interfere with the tourny is created.*

*As the dust settles on the confusion, the Ostrogoths go BEZERK and storm the battleship, slaughtering all Japanese occupants. Having watched TV inside the former Gibbs residence, and somehow understanding modern english, "WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?!" becomes the battlecry, as the warmongers examine the corpses wallets for Capitol One credit cards.*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*Thomas modifies the IRON DUKE with "power" locks and windows and cleans the leftover junk in his car*

[Donkey]

[glow=green,2,300]Donkey types in green again.[/glow]

[ActsOfStupidity]

*Thomas taunts Sheldon with a "YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME"*

[The Shadow]

*As Hetfield prances around in front of the Belvedere and IRON DUKE counting down in a manner befitting the mind behind SOME KIND OF FAGGOT, The Shadow SET UP ACTSOFSTUPIDITY THE BOMB, tossing a bundle of deadly Chiquita bombs at the IRON DUKE. He then slaps himself for temporarily naming himself The Shadow, rather than Sheldonette.*
*In the meantime, Bjorg cleans up the bloody mess on the Japanese battleship, somehow able to walk freely among the Ostrogoths without being beaten and stripped of his wallet. With a few potted plants and a nice banner proclaiming "3-ON-3 TOURNEY HERE," the battleship is looking spiffier than ever before. Unfortunately, Shemorgisbjorg soon commandeers it, convinces the Ostrogoths to help him man it, and lines it up between the IRON DUKE and the Belvedere, demanding to be allowed into the RACE.*
*As this goes on, Bjorg, Dr. Editorrr, and Agent GAGREEL form their own basketball team. However, they are unable to agree on a team name, and finally resort to simply calling themselves "TEAM." TEAM has no fans.*

[DEATH]

*As Hetfield begins his high octave whiny countdown, Dave Mustaine resurrects Cliff Burton to slap him in the face, as to bring him out of the trance. Having been the first slap from Cliff since his death in 1986, James is restored to his acceptable growling 1980's self, and immediately punches himself in the face as punishment for his sick faggotry. Unfortunately, James Jr. soon arrives from the Cliff slap, and the race is temporarily postponed, as James instructs Cliff to take James Jr. to the 3 on 3 tourny.*

*James, realizing his folly, orders the participants to stage before the race (do a short burnout before pulling up to the line, so the tires are warm and ready to go) as to obtain maximum traximum. Sheldonette easily creates a large cloud with the Belvedere. ActsOfStupidity, however, is unable to powerbrake his front wheel drive IRON DUKE, but instead pulls his e-brake (locking up the back tires) and burns out in such fashion. The Japanese Battleship however, remains unable to burnout, and is vehemently banished back to the cornfield by an angry Hetfield. Shemorgisbjorg heads back to prepare a discrimination lawsuit while at the tourny.*

*James raises his arms, in preparation to flag the race. Both cars begin wild revving. Hetfield drops his arms, and the race begins. At first, the massive torque of the big-block V8 Belveder propells it far ahead. However, secretly, the IRON DUKE has been equipped with a trunk mounted jet propulsion system. Using the system, he quickly pulls to even with the Belvedere.....*

MEANWHILE....

*A strangely sypathetic Anger resurrects Question Mark Man. QMM comes back, infuriated that he was fatally crushed for his humor. However, he mistakingly blames the drag racers for the ship, and creates a giant DOS portal in the middle of the road.....*

*The portal appears before the IRON DUKE and the Belvedere, and unable to stop, both vehicles and their occupants fly into the DOS portal, and are converted into characters at the Drive-Thru on Street Rod. A lamentable fate, as it soon appears....*

*QMM rejoices over his deed, but we all know vengence is in order for his future....*

MEANWHILE, in the DOS world....

*ActsOfStupidity and Sheldonette arrive inside the electronic 1960's town from Street Rod. They of course cruise around until finding their saved game garage, which has been sitting unused for 2.5 years. They decide first to go to the Drive Thru to question other characters about how they might escape the DOS world, but are greeted only by their cheesy preprogrammed 60's responses*

Sheldonette: "How do we GET OUT OF HERE?!"

Gary with the Mercury Monterey:"Blow it out yer ear, pal!"

MEANWHILE.....

*A suddenly very evil Dave Mustaine meets the child of Hetfield with Cliff. Cliff and Dave take to turning the child into an evil Megadeth fan......*

[The Shadow]

*After considering the matter for all of six minutes, ActsofStupidity and Sheldonette agree that the only way to escape Street Rod II is to drive speedily enough to punch through the glass of DEATH's computer monitor, since, as Street Rod II is a two-dimensional program, there is logically no other barrier between them and the real world. After stealing parts from their various saved vehicles and Shawn's old and very very ROMAN Corvette, they successfully drive offscreen, but do not, in fact, arrive in DEATH's room, but at the TEMPLE OF DOS. A high prophet of the TEMPLE OF DOS, infuriated at their lack of respect for 2D ("FOOLS! WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD JUST DRIVE OUT OF DOS?!" )condemns them to the world of LIERO, to be destroyed by crazed, gun-toting earthworms who produce approximately three and a half gallons of blood each time a piece of shrapnel cuts them, and paint the entire cavern red when actually hit directly by a bullet or rocket.*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*ActsOfStupidity changes normal hamburgers into ranch-burgers*

[The Shadow]

*Shady notes the uselessness of this endeavor, as it will not protect them from the earthworm onslaught, and frustratedly slaps ActsofStupidity.*
*Unfortunately, the ESRB sees this as "MATURE SEXUAL THEMES" and reduces the slap to a block of disconnected pixels.*

[The Shadow]

*Continuing his ponderings on how to escape the world of DOS, Sheldonette realizes that his recent edited slapping of his fellow prisoner may be the way out. He repeatedly slaps a bewildered ActsOfStupidity, who can think of no response to the assaults but to curl up in the corner and squeak "I'm in a happy place...I'm in a happy place..."*
ESRB Nerds: "WTF MATE? Here we had us a perfectly good violent game about worms shooting each others' guts out, and then they go and stick the prison rapists in here. This SUCKS!"
*In order to save Liero from the dreaded AO rating, the Nerds remove Sheldonette and ActsOfStupidity from the game and release them back into the real world. Sheldonette wonders if they should resume the race on foot, having lost their vehicles at the Temple of DOS, or if they should attempt to play in the imminent basketball tourney, despite the fact that Sheldonette's dribbling ability has been greatly hindered by the reduction of his hand to a mass of swarming, blurred pixels.*

[The Shadow]

*As ActsofStupidity refuses to answer, Sheldonette suggests...*
"Let's continue racing...racing ROXORZ MY SOXORZ!"
"Racing ROXORZ YOUR SOXORZ?! Then maybe you can SUXORZ MY COXORZ!"
*ActsofStupidity then picks up a passing rooster and smashes it into Sheldonette's face before running off to start a Lacrosse Tourney in opposition to DEATH's Basketball Tourney.*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*ActsOfStupidity takes an orange and chucks it towards Sheldonette's windshield*

[The Shadow]

*Sheldonette is shocked, as the windshield was the only part of the Belvedere that survived the jump to DOS. After cleaning it off, he decides to make a foldable version of it and keep it in his pocket for old times' sake.*

[Donkey]

[glow=green,2,300]*And then, for some reason, Donkey dies.*[/glow]