THE OFFICIAL ROLE PLAYING THREAD

[The Shadow]

Whoa.

[x]

*General Grimmace resurrects himself and thinks, only 399,999,993 lives left. and also thinks, "ha i got asterisks finally"... so anyway, General Grimmace commites suicide. He resurrects himself and immediately claims, I am a God!!! which leads to heathens everywhere yelling, "blasphemy!!!!!!!!!!!!" and killing him again. this time, General Grimmace resurrects himself and finds himself a mate... we'll call her katie. they uh, have fun making little generals. then general grimmace, when finding out that is anti-anti-aircraft guns have been stolen and mutilated horribly, he kisses katie goodbye, kills himself once more (399,999,990 more) and resurrects himself behind GAH(s) lines, and steals the delta 88's and all of General Grimmaces Genital Blasters back from the evil GAH(s) who had them. he then decimates GAH(s) land, killing everyone in that territory except the retards, who he takes back for himself. the little general grimmaces who have and will always reach adulthood in 15 seconds, begin and expedition to discover new planets to take over.*

[The Shadow]

*A joint attack from the leprechauns and the peasants wipes out the defending forces of the INOB...Colonel Shadow is captured and forced to wear a thong into eternity. The Shadow establishes himself as King of the Korean DMZ, extending a peace treaty to fellow monarch ActsofStupidity (of Wyoming). Vic is outraged by this apparent wimpiness and remarks, "Even if all my bones are broken, I will drag myself back from here to KILL THE KING, THE KING IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE KING!!!" He fearlessly rips The Shadow apart, steals the crown, and exclaims triumphantly, "I..AM...THE KING!!!" Chronicler, Bjorg, and Dr. Editorrr ignore the proceedings and prepare to retrieve the Delta 88s. Bjorg gives up his bones once more in order to slip through the keyhole in Katie's room and suffocate her. He then oozes back to the door and unlocks it for Dr. Editorrr, who re-skeletonifies Bjorg and abducts Katie's corpse. They bring the cadaver to Chronicler, who issues an ultimatum, stating that unless General Grimmace relinquishes control of the Delta 88s by post #110, DETH shall be applied to Katie, barring resurrection. He can keep the Genital Blasters and the retards, if he wants.*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*ActsOfStupidity accepts The Shadow's offer of peace and wishes to ally himself with The Shadow

*The NWO recruits 1x10^10000 buffalo to be the personal mounts of it's "childern"

*The buffalo have la-z-ers on their heads and have rockets on their hooves

*Destruction decides to hold a huge gala in honor of ActsOfStupidity's out-smarting of GAH(s) attempt at bombing the NWO offices and invites all leaders except for GAH(s)...he's fired

*Wyoming gains nuclear capabilities after taking over the laboratories in Los Alamos, New Mexico

(Side note)-for some reason, when I type while I think, none of my thoughts end up in a good paragraph form

*At the large gala in Casper, Wyoming, General Grimmace discovers a large herd of wild buffalo (non-mutated) and decides to jump in one of his stolen Delta 88's and hunt them with a bow and arrow

*ActsOfStupidity finds General Grimmace hunting his newly-declared sacred buffalo and decides to serve him as hor'dourves at the gala

*The newly-resurrected The Shadow declares "This Grimmace needs a touch of Vic sause..."

*Destruction launches a flight of flamingos to collect Vic

*Vic is promtly flung into Julie Gibbs's mouth, causing her lawnmower blades to turn him into a nice pate"(I can't make that " ' " mark)

[The Shadow]

*Newly sprinkled with wholesome Vic goodness, Grimmace is devoured, to the delight of all leaders present. The Shadow is re-crowned, and as an added show at the gala, Colonel Shadow's thong is tightened. *

[DEATH]

*DEATH, noting his own unusual absence from the thread, ponders the fate of the wave of vans sent over the top, as it was never really discussed, except for the tour bus shelling. He decides that the vans were successful in routing the opposing trench, the ones that were not crushed by the tour vans, that is. He then hops into the Camaro, which since it's in the thread and not real life, has already had the $1000 or so put into it to have the corvette overhaul setup and the twin turbos set up, which propels it much quicker than it's current state. He drives out onto the battle-ravaged no-man's-land of the Thread War and discoveres several vans crushed and THE GREATEST to be abandoned by Vic. He quickly rushes to the opposing trench to gather the remaining vans and leads them back to PTB trench to reorganize and plan out the new fronts with the newly allied N.W.O. and The Shadow, and sends a messenger van to MUP(s) and GAH(s) to inquire on which side they are loyal to, if any.
QUESTION MARK MAN severely beaten by leprechans, retards, and PTB vans and left for dead, drags himself out of the abandoned PTSNB trench after the PTB forces exit. He pulls himself into THE GREATEST, which was absent mindedly left behind by DEATH. He burns with evil joy at the opportunity to man the impenetrable and invunerable vehicle of destruction (no not Destruction), and sets out for destruction of enemy leaders, eventually hoping to resurrect the fallen Anger...*

[The Shadow]

*Anger hobbles out of the outhouse, in the last throes of constipated death, notes the carnage, and resumes his dying. Bjorg resurrects himself to lead the peasants across the no-man's land, occupying the enemy trench as Kirk's tour bus launchers begin the retreat. O'Doyle triumphantly brings in the Metallica lead guitarist in impenetrable CHAINS. "But," exclaims Bjorg. "Where is THE GREATEST?" O'Doyle mumbles that he saw Vic bail out of it, but did not retrieve it, being occupied with decimating the line of tour bus catapults. "It musta gone to them scurvy PTSNB, laddie!" O'Doyle is slapped by Bjorg's remaining arm, creating a little leprechaun. Bjorg wishes that Vic had not been turned into patte and eaten, for he would most surely receive a slap for abandoning such a potent weapon as THE GREATEST.*
Bjorg: "Josh!"
Josh: "Arf?"
Bjorg: "Find THE GREATEST!!!"
*Josh runs off in search of THE GREATEST. Meanwhile, guerilla goats engage the leprechauns in the INOB, while Colonel Shadow dies a painful death from the affliction known as Wedgieus Majorus and his body placed in THE TOMB. General Grimmace having died and been eaten, Chronicler decides that the retrieval of the Delta 88s must be executed by a resurrected Katie. DETH is postponed, and the lass is sent off in search of the Delta 88s, accompanied by Dr. Editorrr. The Shadow suggests that ActsofStupidity lead an army of Wyomingites through the CAVERNS under PTSNB territories, and seize the base thusly, while DEATH's vans and The Shadow's wraiths effect an ineludible slaughter topside. Finally, Sheldonette returns from THE WASTELANDS with marked limp and asks two posts' leave to recuperate from a misguided romantic encounter. This is granted by an understanding Philippe. Catward meows seductively as he gazes at O'Doyle. The Chronicler sends a note to GAH(s) and MUP(s), accompanying that of DEATH, asking whether or not they command THE CHINESE PIKEMEN. Bjorg loses his other arm in an attempt to pet Smaug.*

[The Shadow]

*Colonel Shadow resurrects himself back at the PTSNB base (which, by the way, is a marvel of modern engineering and technology) and, noting the passing of FDR, decides to resurrect another member of the illustrious..."FAMOUS OLD PEOPLE THAT ANNOY SHELDON BEYOND THE BOUNDARIES OF HUMAN ENDURANCE". The "FOPTASBTBOHE" (Fop-Bo's, for short) are a nasty lot; this month's champion is Chuck Darwin. Upon arriving, Darwin takes an astounded look at the PTSNB fortress and remarks, "Wow! I wonder what random series of accidents created this marvel of modern engineering and technology; I thought that whole universe thing was an awesome coincidence, but this place ROCKS!!!" Colonel Shadow commands Darwin to form a new army out of thin air, and the little old crackpot merrily hurries off into the newly built "Catastrophe Lab". Colonel Shadow claps his hands gleefully and snickers, "The Thread shall be OURS!!!"*

[DEATH]

*A battle-ravaged QUESTION MARK MAN arrives at the PTSNB base (after abandoning the idea of single-handed attacking enemy forces), bleeding in approximately 90 places, and collapses onto the ground after opening the door of the immaculate (as always) THE GREATEST. Colonel Shadow notes his dire condition, and slaps him in the face saying:*
"You stupid....little.....TWERP!!! How could you allow yourself to BLEED all over THE GREATEST?!? You're lucky I don't have you BLOODED!"
*After having a team of EMT's surgically remove the bloodstains from THE GREATEST, he has QUESTION MARK MAN taken to the emergency room and repaired.*

[The Shadow]

*Catward wanders out of the WASTELANDS and offers his services to the PTSNB, on the condition that he be allowed to "have his way" with any prisoners he may take. Colonel Shadow shudders in revulsion, but agrees nonetheless. Suddenly, Josh breaks into the PTSNB base, appearing at the 9th story window and toting double Spectre SMGs and begins spraying wildly. Catward responds with some spraying of his own and takes cover behind Colonel Shadow. Question Mark Man throws himself at Josh and they both plummet hundreds of feet to the ground, perishing upon impact. An explosion in the Catastrophe Lab blows Chuck Darwin into the lobby. "Colonel!" he exclaims, reassembling himself. "I have built an army for you!" Excited, Catward and Colonel Shadow follow Darwin into the CL to find an army of HI-C cartons. Colonel Shadow pokes Darwin in the eyes. "You freaking jackapple! What kind of army is this? You suck!"
Darwin: "Well, in all fairness, it wasn't THAT big of a bang."*
*He is interrupted by a St. Anger fan staggering in with a Bjorg-Blaster in hand. "There were...too many...of them, sir! They...were playing...THRASH METAL IN OUR EARS!!!" He then breaks down crying and is executed. The gelatinous Bjorg clone (GBC) oozes out of his abandoned weapon, calls itself Blobby Bob (of Notes fame), and offers its services as a spy to the PTSNB.*

[GAH(s)]

*GAH(s) puts out the fire which had been ignited upon it by the dastardly Destruction, and reminds said villain that only non-gender specific pronouns such as "it" or "itself" can be used to refer to GAH(s) and MUP(s). Cracking its knuckles so as to make up for a long absence, GAH(s) commences by crashing the gala along with DEATH and Deth. DEATH immediately murders the King of Wyoming and permanently removes the left kneecap of the newly-created Acts of Stupidity (an irreversible condition until the end of the First Thread War), while DETH destroys the memory of both the King of Wyoming and Acts of Stupidity's annihilated kneecap until the end of the first thread war. General Grimmace is regurgitated and shot full of Bjorg serum and forced to serve as a projectile for the HMeister's World Breaker 5000 Deluxe Super-Heavy Duty Fuel-Injected Quad-Turbocharged Der Mastershutze Bjorg Blaster, which in one mighty shot wipes out all of the childern, half of Miami (which no one seems to notice) and also the Los Alamos laboratories, crippling the ______ of ________'s former nuclear might. However, the blast from HMeister's World Breaker 5000 Deluxe Super-Heavy Duty Fuel-Injected Quad-Turbocharged Der Mastershutze Bjorg Blaster unfortunately also wipes out half of THE CHINESE PIKEMEN and, of course, THE LIONS. The newly created HMeister/GAH(s)/MUP(s)'s newly created HAZGUL elite fighters (each of course armed with HMeister's World Breaker 5000 Deluxe Super-Heavy Duty Fuel-Injected Quad-Turbocharged Der Mastershutze Bjorg Blasters) lead a surprise charge with some renegade NINJA WOMBATS and save Kirk Hammett from his impenetrable, but not indestructible chains, by beating them to pieces with the clone of Destruction, Rectum Anus the Third, who is then given to Catwerd, "to play with him." Hudson, able to stand Chuck Darwin no longer screams, "Die you simian-spawned spray of serindipitous sliminess, DIE!!!" and jams a Darwin-fish through Chuck's forehead, killing him instantly. He then resurrects Sigmund Freud and sends him in to conduct the psychoanalysis that Destruction had subconsiously requested. General Grimmace is fired several times at the enemy forces, and manages to kill a few of the now-scattered leprechauns in the process. The now-speechless PTSNB find that their only form of communication is to bang their heads together in a form of Morse Code, which is both lengthy and exceedingly painful. The Childern wonder how they are alive even after having been smothered to death by the large cat-turd produced by the INOB. Smaug goes on rampage and destroys the other half of Miami, before turning his sights on Massachusetts. A stray piece of THE LITIGATION strikes Shemorgisbjorg between the eyes, leaving him dead, though no less a target to the ever-romantically-searching duo of Sigmund and Destruction. GAH(s) and MUP(s) join Squad Sheldon.
*

[ActsOfStupidity]

BAH, I LAUGH AT GAH(s). Who takes people's kneecaps who aren't even in the thread...and also kills people not even in the thread...

[The Shadow]

*Dr. Editorrr, being the official PTB medic, replaces ActsofStupidity's kneecap with an empty pop can, at which point the newly resurrected Vic comments, "Part bionic...and organic! Not a cyborg...call him Psychotron!!!" Sheldonette offers the opinion that Vic is an obnoxious skeleton contributing nothing at all to the PTB; heck, he even gave up THE GREATEST to the PTSNB. Vic is offended by this insinuation and challenges Sheldonette's authority, stating, "I reveal...a deceiver...in the highest seat of the land. His idle hands...the devil's workshop...they produce more smoke than heat!" Promptly shooting Sheldonette, he runs off to live a life of brigandry and murder. The shattered forces of the leprechauns are ordered to track him down and stop the bloodshed. Meanwhile, the Chronicler curses and rants at GAH(s) for attacking his allies and creating new locations (Miami; Massachusetts), thus obsoletifying his current map.*
*Colonel Shadow applauds the death of Chuck Darwin, but moans at the resurrection of Siggy Freud. Deciding to put him to use anyway, he orders Blobby Bob and Freud to go out on a secret mission and convince Chronicler and The Shadow that they really don't love their mother at all, and that she's a nasty smelly harlot.*
*Bjorg and Katie, meanwhile, have located the Delta 88s, and Bjorg somehow brings them all safely back to the PTB base. Katie is sacrificed and masticated at the victory celebration. The Shadow becomes angry at the HMeister team for their defiance of the PTB, and conducts an interesting operation on all four (Hmeister, Hammett, MUP(s), and GAH(s)), during which they are ripped apart and rebuilt into a single entity (MUP(s)' arms attached to GAH(s) torso with HMeister's head and Hammett's legs). The result is disgusting. It is dubbed "Madam Zap-Zap".*
*Josh is resurrected and renamed Tinkerbell; he is accordingly wingified and sent to hunt down Colonel Shadow, his assassination of QUESTION MARK MAN having been an unequaled success.*

[DEATH]

*With Anger dead, and QUESTION MARK MAN dead as well, PTB leaders meet, discuss, and demand an unconditional surrender of the PTSNB, and discuss a creation of a post-war counsel to prevent any future wars. This great idea is dubbed "The League of Powers and Other Thingys", or simply TLOPAOT for short. PTB leaders agree on this and propose the idea to the unaffiliated N.W.O. and any other parties interested at the time. PTB leaders also demand that the PTSNB also pay war reparations for all damages sustained, and even consider resurrecting Anger and QUESTION MARK MAN for the purpose of facing a war crimes commitee and facing justice and imprisonment, which would give them the opportunity to dwell on their actions. All remaining parties who are not the PTSNB within the thread are asked to cooperate with a demand of unconditional surrender of the PTSNB, and asked to participate in a unilateral invasion of the PTSNB. They are also asked to consider and join TLOPAOT.*

[The Shadow]

*Guerilla leader ShemorgisBjorg, now captured by the leprechauns, is place in the dark basement of The Dark Palace in the new Super-Duper Impenetrable Indestructible CHAINS. Colonel Shadow defiantly opposes TLOPAOT, hoping he can hold out long enough for Freud and Blobby Bob to accomplish their goal of robbing the PTB of two-thirds their command power. Tinkerbell enters the PTSNB base and begins searching for the Colonel.*
*Sheldonette is abducted by remaining St. Anger fans, and is threatened with the affection of Catward unless he can convince TLOPAOT and the PTB to disband.*
*Dr. Editorrr and Bjorg torture Madam Zap-Zap, demanding that he/she/it cease aggressions against the NWO and PTB.*

ADMINISTRATOR (or ADMINISTERTER)'S NOTE: Seven posts until #125, at which point the war ends and the RPG Thread's second thread is opened.