Post by The Shadow on Mar 6, 2006 17:08:13 GMT -5
(AP)* - Kevin "Donkey" Carpenter, a once-great Boards contributor, has not posted for some time. As a result, several senior Boards members have decided to smite his karma until he explains his absence in a post (see ActsofStupidity's Announcements: YOUR THE MAN NOW, DUDE!!). Today, Mr. Carpenter's karma has reached a level of -1, outraging many Sikhs, Hindi, Buddhists, Jains, and Rosicrucians, among others.
Several explanations have been offered as to why he has not (through his own choice, or events beyond his control) posted recently. Until recently, it was thought that his lack of posting was due to a stunning revelation, in which he realized he is not owned by anyone named Balaam, nor even anyone distantly related to Balaam, nor anyone whose name resembles that of Balaam in any way, and thus should not be able to communicate with humans through written or spoken word.
However, new evidence suggests that he is currently involved in a lengthy court battle with the United Front for Dromedary and Bactrian Tradesbeasts (UFDBT) over convoy rights on the Silk Road. Donkey is rumored to have said: "If I don't get to cart stuff back and forth over there, then I think I'll take on the SACA (South American Camelid Alliance, a labor party made up of enterpreneur llamas, alpacas, guanacos, and vicunas) for precedence in the Andes. **** them crazy Hispanics."
Regardless of the outcome of these legal proceedings, we can only hope that Mr. Carpenter soon returns to the Boards, before his karma reaches YOU BE A HOMO status.
*: AP = Assinine Press
Several explanations have been offered as to why he has not (through his own choice, or events beyond his control) posted recently. Until recently, it was thought that his lack of posting was due to a stunning revelation, in which he realized he is not owned by anyone named Balaam, nor even anyone distantly related to Balaam, nor anyone whose name resembles that of Balaam in any way, and thus should not be able to communicate with humans through written or spoken word.
However, new evidence suggests that he is currently involved in a lengthy court battle with the United Front for Dromedary and Bactrian Tradesbeasts (UFDBT) over convoy rights on the Silk Road. Donkey is rumored to have said: "If I don't get to cart stuff back and forth over there, then I think I'll take on the SACA (South American Camelid Alliance, a labor party made up of enterpreneur llamas, alpacas, guanacos, and vicunas) for precedence in the Andes. **** them crazy Hispanics."
Regardless of the outcome of these legal proceedings, we can only hope that Mr. Carpenter soon returns to the Boards, before his karma reaches YOU BE A HOMO status.
*: AP = Assinine Press
!~??~