"Your fav. Whitey"? Man, i was a fag back in the day... Well, this one is a goodie, and has some forgotten stories, easily worth the "retell" value, hahahaha...i'm fired. Original recipients were axthrower84@yahoo.com, dunkydunk34@yahoo.com, dober_adb@hotmail.com, imjackiechan@hotmail.com, stampede_36@hotmail.com, kevin_car@hotmail.com.
It was sent on Sat, 26 Jan 2002, and was titled "I'M BACK".
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HELLO, WELCOME TO HARDEE'S. MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
well, i'm finally able to free myself of parents, basketball and
schoolwork to send the first of these emails i've sent since like,
mid-december or so. and i'm in a crazy mood tonight. for those of you
lucky enough to observe my survey, well expect more of that humor.
not so much my usual smart-aleck humor, but since i'm completely and
totally out of it, more off the wall stuff that all of you know me
well enough to have heard.
BACK IN BLACK *dadada(air guitars)* I HIT THE SACK *dadada* DID YA
KNOW I'M GLAD TO BE BACK? YES I'M LET LOOSE *dadada* FROM THE NOOSE
*dadada* THAT'S KEPT ME HANGIN AROUND
sorry, got into AC/DC there. we'll start with some of the recent
school funny stuff. today mike holtz and i got in truly one of the
wierdest, most demented conversations i've had. it all started with
us making fun of the sign-language that we have to do in one of our
choir songs, the irish blessing. now being 7/8ths of irish descent
myself, i know that these people know nothing of what an irish
blessing (well, only if it was blessed) would really be. and one
would hope they wouldn't want to sing about one, even if it is
blessed. anyway, the classic canadian crippler throat-slit with the
thumb (you've all seen me do it) was somehow included into the
actions by mike and i. well from there we went into cutting off a
whitey's face. and then mike decides that he thought the usual
rolling something up and smoking it sign should be thrown in there.
which combined gave us cutting off a whitey's face, then rolling it
up and, well, smoking it. which immediately became topic for
discussion, and the subject of a stick figure diagram portraying a
couple of whities, and one rip's the other's face off and smokes it.
well then, the faceless one's eyes fall out, but i'll have to explain
that later.
so is anyone else sick of all the attention we give to former
members of al queda? i feel that we should execute mr. shoeicide
bomber and jihad johnny. no press. no trial. just kill em. the fact
that either of these guys are getting a trial is retarded. who cares
about the geneva convention? everyone knows had this of happened 100
years ago or so, before liberals ruined our whole perspective of
defense and justice, these guys woulda got axed rather quickly.
oh yes, i am reminded of another school joke. sorry shires boys,
you heard this one already. nick gillan and i have lockers next to
each other and some of the dumbest internet conversations, ranking up
there with mine with hudson, keenan and donkey (ex. we are talking
about how micheal jordan would be running circles around allen
iverson....it eventually becomes micheal jordan running isosceles
triangles, dodecagons, and equilateral quadrilaterals around him).
megan franklin has a locker next to us, which frequently has her and
about 5+ of her friends huddled around it, like they don't have their
own lockers. somehow or another, they became know as the
'convention', sparking many stupid jokes. earlier this week we were
talking about how they need to build a convention center, like the
one being built in omaha, and simply stick her locker in there,
because the convention usually keeps us from being able to get to our
lockers, unless we tell a member of the convention to move. and nick
usually says something mean, and they'll give him 'the look' or make
a feeble attempt to insult him. these methods have become known as
conventional weapons. well, today nick firstly is talking them and
telling them to go to a convent, because they have no conventional
usefulness, when bailey groff starts listening. well, bailey usually
just listens to one of our stupid jokes, halfway laughs (though there
is no way she has a clue what we're talking about), then asks us if
there was a geometry or algebra 2 assignment. well she overhears us
talking about the convention, and is thrown off completely. she's
like 'what are talking you about?!?! what's this convention or
whatever?' we're like 'you know, the locker (i can't recall megan's
locker #) convention'. so she like looks at the locker numbers and
see megan's locker (the convention had departed by now), and goes
'what?!? are you saying there's like a convention inside her locker
or what?'. so we're like 'well, not to be mean, but i don't think
the convention would fit in her locker'. well by now she's totally
thrown off. she was just like "you guys are wierd" and
walked off, both of us just sitting there laughing our heads off.
which brings me to another inside joke which the shires have heard
(again, sorry). nick and i are in the same geometry, and for those
of you that know mr. wellman, you know he can make some rather odd
analogies. well, nick and i were explaining a type of transformation
to justin sayer, not exactly a rhoades scholar. and so we just
decide to throw in all of mr. wellman's analogies together to make a
bunch of nonsense, while mr. wellman is watching us trying to help
justin and throwing in a few comments to try to help also. well, mr.
wellman had told us when talking about concentric circles, that it
would be like throwing a rock in a lake; the ripples would be
concentric circles. while using this analogy to explain a concept we
really all understood he then corrected himself and said 'well,
unless there's a boat or jetski in the water'. he also had tried to
explain the concept of transformations by saying that they were like
a salad bar, you never quite know what's in there.
so nick and i were telling justin that a glide reflection was like
"if you threw a salad bar in a lake, it would make concentric
circles; unless there was a person on a jetski, and you hit him with
the salad bar, he might also fall in, which could make 2 sets of
concentric circles, which in turn could make Venn diagrams, which are
like salad bars that have been thrown in a lake, you never quite know
what's in there". well justin was confused, mr. wellman was
confused and just kinda looked at us all puzzled, and we were just
laughing at the nonsense of the explanation. which brings me to a
third joke. when i was in 8th grade art class with mr. beyke, i had
luke vice in my class, who is kinda, well, dumb. mr. beyke had
handed out sheets that explained the critique we were doing. the
sheet talked about how we had to make 3 analogies. well, luke raises
his hand and asks mr. beyke what an "an-o-logee" is.
needless to say, i think the entire class laughed at that.
in the spirit of the humor i've been talking about, strobel made
another strobel-ish comment today. shawn smith, who had finally
decided to come to school, gets this shirt out of his locker that had
a big huge budwieser logo on it, and said king of beers. this was
just stupid because he was like trying to act cool with it and stuff.
so he goes 'check it out guys. KING OF BEERS!'. well, strobel, being
a nice guy turns around and goes 'uh, more like king of sh*t'. now
sorry for the expletive (even though i censored it, it's still an
expletive), but that's hilarious because smith is a kid who acts all
bullying and stuff and acts like he's some bad news. now, niether
strobel nor i would want to fight him. but he still has just a
slightly inflated ego. and strobel always says stuff like that to
him. and it was so funny cause smith was like laughing about it, and
he just got a straight face as soon as strobel said it, and just
looked at strobel, while carlson and i and the rest of us are about
to die laughing. an example of something else funny strobel said to
him would be before christmas break. smith had told coach that the
doctor had told him he couldn't do wrestling practice, and said
that's why he wasn't at school. so he just sat there in the hot tub
the whole time. now this wouldn't be anything big, except shawn
always acts like he's hurt, when he's not. so everyone had been
asking shawn why he couldn't wrestle, and he was getting mad. so then
he walks into the locker room, and strobel goes "so shawn, did
you get paralyzed or what?", and shawn just looked at him and
gave him the meanest look. and we were all laughing. or once all the
wrestlers were complaining about how this jeff allgood kid was soo
gay and saying all this stuff, and strobel goes "jeff allgood?
that kid is AWESOME!", and the room just got completely silent,
and carlson (probably the only wrestler who likes strobel) and i are
just dying laughing. those probably didn't sound that funny, you
just had to be there.
well, i must get off the net. i must say that this email was
subpar to some of my others, but this hasn't been the greatest week.
it sounds like we're going again to KC to work on grandma's house
saturday, but i will be back sunday, so i'll see most of ya then.
your fav. whitey,
DEATH
--
). and maybe
?
Enjoy! Original recipients were dober_adb@hotmail.com, axthrower84@yahoo.com, dunkydunk34@yahoo.com, imjackiechan@hotmail.com. 
