Best Boards Post of ALLLLLL TIME?

[The Shadow]

Submit your favorite posts from all over the Boards here...the funniest, the most profound, or the just plain ridiculous. This includes anything from the Dumb Quotes and RPG threads. Post away!
My current favorite:
These two're probably going to be quoted for as long as people still post on the Boards...the'yre far too classic, and come from Brett and Keenan in the Boards' very first thread, I...don't...knowwwwwwww... Here 'tis.

Brett:

i disagree. the coldness of the one is inversely proportionate to the type of metal used on the particular brick that the one is levitating over. to simplify, glue plus bottle rockets cannot equal a gall bladder, though understandably, there is some confusion with that equation. when asked what my take was on the subject, i gave them 9 pieces of my mind, all of which were devoured, save for the last 8. qouting myself: "really, i don't understand how half of you say that the static compression ratio of aluminum cast 113 L98 cylinder heads drops approximately half a point because of a loss of temperature in the combustion chamber, while the other half deliberate over whether my question was asked exactly 1000 times before it was asked. my honest opinion? government emissions standards were obviously created by people who have unnatural relationships with redwood trees. i doubt it will ever get as far as it's already got, especially if you set it on fire. i've never really understood how things like that manage to breath in vacuum, and i probably never will. it just goes to show, the more things change, the more they stay the same. especially the ones who fight with images in mirrors....SLASH, ARE YOU IN THERE?!?!" many disagreed with what i said, but generally agreed to be disagreeable over the things which i didn't say. my point essentially is, i offered my $.02 on the matter, but they tried to tell me that the matter is not currently accepting donations! which led me to the final thought: How can polysaturated fats AND monosaturated fats BOTH be inside of a vanilla wafer? Man, who ever thought of doing THAT was a BUTTCRACKER!

Keenan:

Oh my gosh…. You guys are so un-purple. Don’t you know that it takes exactly 40,000,000,000,000 pancakes to shingle a motorcycle because camels have 2 humps? What’s wrong with you? You may ask, how did I come to such a crazy conclusion. Well, let me tell you. I tried shingling a motorcycle with pancakes the size of texas, and it took 40,000,000,000,000 of them to get the job done effectively. It may not work this way for you. I just kept putting more and more batter in the griddle, popping out more and more pancakes until I died 4 times. Then my regenerated body and spirit, constantly gaining more and more strength from liking the Kansas city chiefs and seeing great things for them in the future (if their defense stops playing like chevy vehicles), that after making 40,000,000,000,000 pancakes, I had the strength to cover the motorcycle 123582723 times, effectively shingling it, with no room for errors or leaks to get through. Then, after shingling the motorcycle’s obviously watered down exhausting elephant tires, I moved to bigger and better scientific experiments like creating a human from the fecal matters or worms (if you didn’t know, dirt)… after about 100,000,000 years, I quit, because only God can do that. But then I found a startling discovery. By attempting to create a human’s buttocks from the fecal matter of a rhinoceros, I could be rich. That only took about 100,000 minutes, give or take 50 thousand years. It took quite a lot of fecal matter, so I started my very own rhinoceros farm in the 1000th year. When I had gotten 400,000 rhinoceros, I stopped poaching. They multiplied way too fast, and nearly took over jupiter’s largest moon, Uranus. Tisk tisk tisk… by combining the rhinoceros feces with blood from a human, the tissue of tree leaves (oak worked for me), h202t5, common marijuana, and a liberal’s brain, out popped a human’s buttocks. I could have probably just found a liberal, told him to speak, and then I’d have a buttocks, to see if my proboscis worked, but I decided not to.

That’s all of my story

LOL!!!