THE KILLING FIELDS

[DEATH]

[glow=red,2,300]WELCOME TO THE KILLING FIELDS[/glow]

This thread is the warfare section of the RPG forum. When you gots a fight to pick, you fights 'em here. That, or you're just the type of happy soul who enjoys putting other people to death, and then pointing and laughing.

This thread is unique in a few ways to THE TOWN SQUARE and also to it's predecessor, THE OFFICIAL RPG THREAD. Specifically, we got some rules and strategy 'round here that you're expected to follow, or your posts WILL be deleted as dictated by protocol.

The first thing you'll want to note is the map of this thread. This thread has a specifically defined physical universe that you exist in and conform to. Without further redue, I present "YE OLDE KILLING FIELDS":

images5.theimagehosting.com/ye olde killing fields.JPG[/IMG]

The land is divided into 5 territories, each with it's own natural line of defenses. All territories are free to be named by their occupying forces. The fort names will not change, but if you take one corner with your characters or alliance with other users, you can name your territory whatever you want.

The City of Glory is a city-state, and cannot be renamed by it's occupants. It's name will always be The City of Glory.

To the northwest lies Fort Carnage, it's territory actually being an island. It's natural defense is being surrounded by The Sea of Sorrow.

To the southwest lies Fort Slaughter. It's natural defense consists mainly of The Forest of Terror, though The Sea of Sorrow covers part of the border as well.

To the northeast lies Fort Extermination. It's natural defense consists of The Leviathon Mountain Range.

To the southwest lies Fort Massacre. It's natural defense consists of The Desert of Peril.

In the center of the map lies The City of Glory. It shares a line of natural defense with each of the forts, and thus has one on every side.

So now that you're familiar with the map, let's get to strategy. The goal of the thread is to occupy the City of Glory. What gain is there in occupying it? The title, pretty much. I thought long and hard about some sort of strategic advantage, but with the way text RPG works, it's not feasible. So you get bragging rights and other nonsense.

Now, that being said, here's how the other thread works into all this. You cannot migrate into the City of Glory from THE TOWN SQAURE. If you're going to come to the thread, you're going to enter a fort, pick a side and FIGHT. Period.

So all immigrants will have their choice of which fort to enter. If there's a duel or showdown between your character and another that's brewing, come here, join opposite sides, and the characters who constitute the leaders of the fort that you joined will decide the type of conflict you will enter. So basically, if your character enters Fort Slaughter, and Col. Shadow is the current leader of Fort Slaughter and the surrounding territory, he can choose to have you and your enemy that you came to fight against have a duel, or a swordfight, or whatever he pleases. He can choose to deny you the opportunity of a 1 on 1 fight if he wishes. And since your enemy isn't joining the same fort, obviously his ruler would have to give consent to such an event as well for the other character.

Which brings me to my next point. Martial law. That's the name of the game here. Despotism. The military rules, no government present.

As far as the natural defenses, they must be treated at least somewhat realistically. This is a vague line to draw, but basically, nothing like having your army jump across the Sea of Sorrow or over The Leviathon Mountain Range. I don't care how absurd or ridiculous your method of getting them across is, but they can't just jump or run through any of the defenses. If you build the dumbest boat possible, that's fine. If you choose to catapult troops over, that'll work. If you decide to tie your troops to large amounts of birds, that will even work. However, your troops can't suddenly have reached a point in training where they are able to walk on water. I think you get what I'm saying. I don't really care how they cross the defenses, as long as an outside object is involved. So if you want special floatation boots to march your troops across water, that will even work.

We will allow diplomacy here, if you want to use it for some strange reason.

And for these early posts, I will tell you that since not many will be coming to forts at first, the first characters to occupy whatever fort can appoint their own leader and go from there.

And for a last note, nuclear weapons of any sort are BANNED from this thread, along with any other weapon with an ability to suddenly kill everyone. Additionally, don't expect your characters to suddenly be able to dig a system of tunnels under every enemy and plant bombs and kill them all at once. This will not be allowed, and the bottom line is that any posts that describe some absurd and unsubstantiated killing spree will not be tolerated. Use your brain, out manuever the enemy with wonderful retardedness.

Aside from what I just mentioned, no other limits to weapons. And the asterisks system is used here, just like the other threads, i.e.:

*DEATH orders his troops to man the Howitzers*

Basically, it's the same as regular RPG, but you gotta remember the rules already mentioned when you post.

And aside from all that, the proclaimed law of the land is.....

[glow=red,2,300] >:(ANARCHY [/glow]

[The Shadow]

*Sheldonette, Dr. Editorrr, Bjorg, Shemorgisbjorg, The Chronicler, Tinkerbell, Fagward, and Colonel Shadow arrive in Ye Olde Killing Fields as the war gods' cry of "ANARCHY" is still echoing. Sheldonette spasms, pretends to play guitar, and screams: "IN THE CITY!" in response. The entire troop soon loses sanity and joins in:
"I WANNA DESTROY...POSSIBLY?"
*Sheldonette, Dr. Editorrr, Bjorg, Tinkerbell, and The Chronicler move to Fort Carnage, elect Sheldonette as Field Marshal, and begin construction of a large BRIDGE, which will, barring delays, be completed in fifteen posts.*
*Colonel Shadow, Shemorgisbjorg, and Fagward, meanwhile, choose the infinitely more foreboding Fort Extermination, and accordingly set about building the largest trampoline the RPG Threads have ever seen, also to be completed in fifteen posts.*

[Donkey]

[glow=green,2,300]*Donkey and TheDonk appear in the Forest of Terror. They take a nap separately.*[/glow]

[Donkey]

[glow=green,2,300]*GlobalDomination installs a dictator as a type of government...the dictator is himself. (not "Himself"...i was referring to GlobalDomination)*[/glow]

[ActsOfStupidity]

*ALL OF MY CHARACTERS TAKE FORT SLAUGHTER*

[DEATH]

*DEATH enters the thread at Fort Massacre with THE PROGRAM and ZUEL, and begins to set up camp, and is appointed as King of ANTISUX, the newly named territory in which Fort Massacre resides. ZUEL is sent as an emissionary to Fort Slaughter by ATV, while THE PROGRAM is dispatched to Fort Carnage via catapult as the same. Both hope to inquire allegiance of the respective forts. *

*QUESTION MARK MAN tries his luck at Fort Extermination, inexplicably showing up with 'The Retard Propeller', a device formerly belonging to General Grimmace's army that was used to propel retards into enemy territory.*

[DEATH]

*Herbert Hoover enters Fort Massacre, and is dispatched with his legendary unpopularity powers to The Forest of Terror, hoping to depressionize TheDonk and Donkey into soup lines and oblivione, with plans to pursue further depressionization into oblivitwo if the initial wave of oblivione is successful. Luckily, his former persidential motorcade falls out of the sky, providing his transportation across the vast Desort of Peril. His orders from DEATH are clear:*

"Dear Herblynessification,

TURN THOSE DONKEYS INTO 'SICKLY SAMS'!

anti-<3,

DEATH"


*Meanwhile, in a most historical twist of reality, Ulysses S. Grant offers his services additionally to ANTISUX. He is sent on Carolback to scout to Fort Extermination, with his orders warning that he can consider his services and self "subtractionally TERMINATED" should he defect to Fort Extermination.*

[The Shadow]

*THE PROGRAM arrives at Fort Carnage and is well-received by the court of Sheldonette. He observes the grand interior of said fort, rumored to uninhabitable due to the large, extremely deep pool of radioactive waste in its center. Ironically, Sheldonette has chosen this as his audience chamber, and THE PROGRAM is required to propose an alliance while balancing on a toxic waste barrel in the pool, above which is suspended Sheldonette's throne. The alliance is accepted by Sheldonette's faction (newly named Kingdom of PWNAGE) and THE PROGRAM is sent back to the Kingdom of ANTISUX with much gold and jewels.*

[DEATH]

*C.A.T.S. from ZeroWing arrives and is recruited to Fort Massacre, and is instructed to "BEGIN SETTING UP FORT EXTERMINATION THE BOMB!"*

[The Shadow]

*Sheldonette orders the manufacturing plant within Fort Carnage to commence mass-production of Bitch-Slap APCs, and the First Bitch-Slap Squadron is formed under the leadership of Lord Sputterbutt.*

[GAH(s)]

*Great Aunt Hade(s) returns from a multiple year absence and wonders at the strange new planet around him. He immediately starts an artist's colony in the maintenance closet of Fort Extermination and convinces Shemorgisbjorg to try on the new Chainsaw-Enhanced Individual Combat Jetpack Armor Suit. Shemorgisbjorg, overawed at this great hero of the Thread Wars deigning to give him an order, complies immediately and launches a flying assassination attempt on Question Mark Man.

*Unfortunately, in a volley of retard-fire, Question Mark Man gets a lucky retard off and nails the left stabilizing module of the Chainsaw-Enhanced Individual Combat Jetpack Armor Suit, sending Shemorgisbjorg into a deathdive.



-------------------------OH WHAT WILL HE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!----------------------------



*At that precise moment, Peter Cooper, famed inventor of Jello-brand gelatin desserts, emerges from his hermits cave and fires his Jellomatic Hypergelenator 4000-23X, encapsulating Shemorgisbjorg in a protective cocoon of Jello that cushions his fall. Shemorgisbjorg ejects his flaming Chainsaw-Enhanced Individual Combat Jetpack Armor Suit, which lands on the very bewildered Question Mark Man, killing him except...for his head.

*Shemorgisbjorg (knowing a crucial ally when he sees one) immediately signs Peter Cooper in a treaty with Fort Extermination, an agreement that permanently binds Peter Cooper to Fort Extermination as their Weapons Developer in Residence (with all appropriate medical and dental benefits, paid vacation days, and retirement stock options).

*Shemorgisbjorg returns to base having accomplished his mission. However, his colon has been fused due to the intense heat from the Chainsaw-Enhanced Individual Combat Jetpack Armor Suit for the next 10 posts.

[The Shadow]

*Within hours, Shemorgisjorg begins feeling an uncomfortable pressure in his innards, as the remains of his last meal encounter the intestinal blockage. Fearing death by crapsplosion, he inserts a 0.05cc syringe directly into his duodenum and hires Catward to be his personal Artificial Excretion Facilitator. Catward's duties include repeatedly filling the 0.05cc syringe with waste and discharging the contents into a flexible accordion-style folder for safekeeping. Various experiments are conducted on the folder's contents.*

[The Shadow]

*Meanwhile, Sheldonette sends Bjorg and Tinkerbell to recover the long-lost BAG OF SOULS from The Forest of Terror. Their orders read thusly:
"Thou must needs fynde and rekuvver ye olde faymed BAGG OF SOLZ, as itt containeth the spirritt of everee faithfulle Church follower, and, beinge otherwise knowne as YE OLDE PURGATORIE, mai proov to bee an indispenceabul sorse of grait wizdum and manspowers."*

[grimmacemain]

*Grimmace, along with kaveman, cookie monster, grimmace main, monster medevac, GOW (Gleigenhofer, Ooglockenstein Webb), screech and 'big man' enter Ft Massacre and request a treaty with DEATH.*

*upon completion of said treaty, in which details will be worked out in the next 5 grimmace main posts in this thread, Grimmace and his merry band of eunichal sluts settle down in the desert of peril to be a 'first line of defense' against any invadorzzzxxxzxzxx*

this is post 12 of sheldon's building projects, unless somehow de-railed by lack of funds, corruption, or spies blowing them ups.