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Post by The Shadow on Oct 5, 2005 14:11:44 GMT -5
I <3's TEH FLEMING RASMUSSEN!!! *awards Rasmussen FELLOWSHIP BURGER for his work on Ride the Lightning.*
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Post by The Shadow on Oct 14, 2005 12:44:31 GMT -5
I think I has teh solution(s):
"In my opinion, as a professional, I say we straight-jacket the son of a *deleted*, lock him in a rubber room, and sedate him - heavily. Then, when he wakes up - IF he wakes up - we'll see if he wants to be a nice boy."
"Sedate me? Heh - cool! A straight-jacket? What? Hey, let go of me! Hey! Stop! Hey!"
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Post by DEATH on Oct 18, 2005 11:34:03 GMT -5
 And there's a lot of ******** who said this would NEVER EVER HAPPEN....... BUT I GUESS WE PROVED EM ALL WRONG, EH? 
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Post by The Shadow on Oct 19, 2005 6:37:35 GMT -5
LOL!!!
"Yeah, I see you with the laser pointer over there...'I saved all the money mom gave me so I could get a laser to bring it down here and shine it at Dave...'"
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Post by The Shadow on Oct 19, 2005 7:09:59 GMT -5
I stole the following from another board...and I feel great about it.
RUNNER-UP #9
Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout meeting. While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog found a bag of grass in her purse.
RUNNER-UP #8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP #7
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP #6
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
RUNNER-UP #5
From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
RUNNER-UP #4
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP #3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
RUNNER-UP #2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
RUNNER-UP #1
Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
THE WINNER!
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
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Post by The Shadow on Oct 19, 2005 7:10:27 GMT -5
By the way, I believe the #1 story PWNS!!!
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Post by DEATH on Oct 20, 2005 14:02:04 GMT -5
LOL
Those are pretty good.
A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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Post by The Shadow on Nov 15, 2005 10:02:12 GMT -5
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Post by ActsOfStupidity on Nov 15, 2005 22:34:38 GMT -5
I know people from Yankton...RAPE
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Post by DEATH on Dec 22, 2005 12:35:11 GMT -5
Did you guys know that Flemming Ramussen now produces......THE FOO FIGHTERS?!!   |
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Post by The Shadow on Jan 5, 2006 11:33:04 GMT -5
Oh, how you have fallen, mighty metal avatar!
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Post by DEATH on Jan 5, 2006 14:16:14 GMT -5
HUZZAH FOR SHELDON'S TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO ZEE BOARDS!  |
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Post by ActsOfStupidity on Jan 10, 2006 14:23:56 GMT -5
BADGER BADGER BADGER
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Post by The Shadow on Mar 23, 2007 13:11:23 GMT -5
LEMUR LEMUR LEMUR
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Post by DEATH on Mar 23, 2007 21:07:12 GMT -5
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