THE OFFICIAL ROLE PLAYING THREAD

[DEATH]

*returns from taking CRAP. slaps Atlas for being stupid and getting TP'd. Atlas, who had pursued Sheldonette, is forced to put the world back on his shoulders. DEATH then calls upon Thanatos, the Greek god of death (no, not DEATH) to emerge from Hades and turn Atlas back into stone. Thanatos does so, and takes a piece of Grimmace oragami back down to the underworld. DEATH exits for youth group and gasoline for his camaro*

[The Shadow]

*Various chemicals contained within the cookie dough cause Sheldonette to forget what in the world he was doing in the first place. Bjorg panics and calls upon the Titaness of memory, Mnemesomne, to grant Sheldonette recognition of his accomplishments thus far. Sheldonette remembers who he is, and decides it's time to visit General Grimmace. Upon finding him to have no skin, he slaps Bjorg with a fish and sticks a bicycle pump in his ear (Bjorg's), thus expanding his aural orifice so he will listen to Sheldonette more effectively. Finally, he resurrects General Grimmace and apologizes on Bjorg's behalf. Unfortunately, since Thanatos has stolen General Grimmace's beautified skin, Grimmace must carry on skinless until Bjorg designs a nice new exterior with floral print.*

[DEATH]

*DEATH rigs the base with explosives, and proceeds to blow it up. He then challenges Grimmace to a DUEL!*
"I challenge you to duel!"

[The Shadow]

*Since General Grimmace has been standing around staring off into space for the last eight hours, Sheldonette possesses his skinless body and accepts the duel. Meanwhile, Bjorg styles his Barbie doll's hair.*
"I accept, DEATH. Take 10 paces, turn and firrrrrre."
"Hm, ponytail or mullet?"

[DEATH]

*walks ten paces, and fires a sure shot at Grimmace's FACE. Grimmace, seeing in bullet time, contemplates whether to turn his head back and to the side, allowing it to pass through where his cheek used to be, or simply doing an about face, and allowing the bullet to hit him in the back of the FACE, for the sake of saying he was fatally shot in the back of the FACE. he allows the bullet to hit him in the back of the FACE:*
"(sound of a shattering skull)"
*Grimmace falls on what remains of his FACE, mortally wounded. DEATH emerges victorious, and ques up "Set The World Afire" by Megadeth, and along with Sheldonette, dances, though NOT together*

"Dig deep the piles of rubble and ruins
Towering overhead both far and wide
There's unknown tools of World War III
Einstein said "We'll use rocks on the other side"
No survivors, set the world afire!"

[The Shadow]

*Bjorg, of course, is sickened by General Grimmace's facelessness, and hands him Audra Whisler's face, as seen in filming session #2 of "Dave and Slash's Stupid Adventure: A Narrative of Very Heavy Proportions: The Pastoral Epic".*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*ENTERS Franklin Roosevelt on his wheelchair
*FDR comes over to Sheldonette and affectionately strokes her shoe, causing the body of General Grimmace to twitch with uncontrolable jealousy.
*Bjorg freaks out and whips out his war hammer and crushes FDR's useless legs.
*FDR is then struck by all the plagues of Egypt at the same time, including that whole "death-of-the-first-born" thing and his son falls from the sky,landing on the body of General Grimmace and stopping the annoying twitching, and then FDR's blood is turned into water by a strange "Anti-plague" and dies suddenly
*ENTERS Destruction,Tommy Boy,and the spirit of ActsOfStupidity
*Destruction decides to masticate FDR's corpse while Tommy Boy finds the Katsup (For those stupid Commies) and ActsOfStupidity kill's FDR's soul in the "Spirit Realm"
*General Grimmace's body suddenly stands up and says "Mein Feurer, I can WALK!!!"

[DEATH]

*DEATH scratches his head, perplexed*

[The Shadow]

*Enter THE SHERIFF. Taking a look at the surrounding carnage (skinless General Grimmace powerwalking, Tommy Boy and Destruction masticating FDR's dead body, FDR's first-born son lying off to the side, ridiculously large bloodstains on the frame of the burnt-out base, etc.), he proceeds to question the primary suspects: DEATH and Sheldonette, who had nothing to do with any of this. DEATH, still occupied with scratching his head, offers no viable answer to THE SHERRIFF's queries, so THE SHERRIFF moves on to Sheldonette (who has now repossessed his body), whose only reaction is to shake his head and say, "It all started with a young fag named Henry F**d."*

[GAH(s)]

*After repairing the rather large gaping hole in its navel (produced when Thanatos exited Hades), GAH(s) sets itself on fire, and then decides to feed all of the present party morsels of delectibly burnt Hade-ness. Grimmace, horrified at the thought of what such an ordeal should feel like, had he not been deprived of his skin, decides to lock himself in a cage with Daisy the wunderdog, where he is once again fired from the world of the living by a rabid and frenzied attack from the carnivorous canine. DEATH of course laughs over having claimed another victim, and eats his own lower mandible, and Great Aunt Hades excrementally expulses grimmace, not wanting to create more damage to an already tender bellybutton. Sheldonette, meanwhile has finished the final touches on the floral print skin which Bjorg had commenced for the refinishing of General Grimmace, and then decides to provide an heir for Bjorg by mitosis. This offspring is dubbed ShemorgisBjorg and goes on to start the International Bobian Society for the Indepenent Status of Red Hats, which eventually proves to be the end of him.*

[DEATH]

*sits....observes.....and states:*
"I've never really understood how things like that manage to breath in vacuum, and i probably never will..."

[x]

*Grimmace wakes up from his near-death (not DEATH) like sleep, called a coma, and thinks, "lots has happened to thyself while i was sleeping, dreaming of ...wait, i wasn't dreaming". then Grimmace decides that burrito shells, which are the staple of his diet, should be his new skin, so that he'll never grow hungry. once his new skin is in place, he tries to shingle another elephant, with disastrous results. DEATH just laughs, as sheldonette cries. Grimmace then ponders, "who in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is these new characters?"*

[x]

*Grimmace leaves to get some much needed beauty sleep so that not all feminish figures hate him so. cries self to sleep*

[The Shadow]

*Sheldonette stops crying, wonders why in the world he was crying in the first place, and decides he would be most gainfully employed as a holy man. Bjorg sobs over the abandoned floral print skin, which consumed hours and hours of his valuable time. Deciding not to waste it, he staples it to himself. Meanwhile, ShemorgisBjorg temporarily puts aside his ambitions as head of the International Bobian Society for the Independent Status of Red Hats to become General Grimmace's lawyer, convincing Grimmace that his multiple deaths in this thread can be considered cyberlibel. Thus, their lawsuit against his alleged murderers (DEATH, Bjorg, ActsofStupidity, and GAH(s)) begins with the claim that General Grimmace was dead in none of the previously suggested incidences; rather, he was merely life-challenged. Grimmace and ShemorgisBjorg demand approximately 25 billion sympathetic facial expressions from each participant, in reparations.*

[GAH(s)]

*In a brilliant act of legalistic savve, Great Aunt Hade(s) points out that, being Hadeness itself, it is impossible that it should have ever killed anyone and especially not General Grimmace. After when has Hell ever hurt anyone who didn't deserve it? DEATH concurs with this insightful observation and further adds that since false advertisement is also a federal offense, he thought that it would have been dishonest to have advertised himself as the truncator of life and then follow through with this self-appointed task. General Grimmace--though difficult to comprehend through his veil of taco shells--insisted that the two were nothing more than criminal co-conspirators, whereupon Judge Ito ordered that General Grimmace be forever stricken from the record for contempt of court and hereafter could only be referred to as Generally Grouchipoop. Shemorgisbjorg founded a colony on a non-descript island in the South Pacific, and dubbed it the Independent State of Bob. Bjorg eventually found a nice cottage and settled down with some severe pain killers to soothe the puncture wounds in his epidermis. Sheldonette attempted to tell the truth of the whole matter in court but, in a flash of complete unpredictability, turned into a wombat and made his home in Judge Ito's prosthetic nose. Meanwhile, Yngwie Malmsteen insisted that these producings where worse than Stuff From Hell, which of course brought general concurrance from the gathered assembly, with the exception of GAH(s) whom insisted that there was nothing wrong with its produce, but rather it had more difficulties in the imported materials than the exported ones. Inside sources stated that as of yet, Hades has yet to produce anything, apart from Nu Metal bands.*