THE OFFICIAL ROLE PLAYING THREAD

[The Shadow]

*Judge Ito died soon after the case, as Sheldonette burrowed deeper and deeper into his brain cavity. Meanwhile, Bjorg wondered how the thread's tone suddenly changed from present to past tense. He had to do all this wondering in jail, after THE SHERRIFF found his stash of lettuce donuts, consumed them all, and demanded more, which Bjorg refused to produce, as he had now switched over to beet eclairs.*

[DEATH]

[glow=red,2,300] POSTS ARE TO BE PRESENT TENSE [/glow]

*DEATH creates the entity of Vic Rattlehead, the famed Megadeth mascot, to use Megadeth lyrics as speech because DEATH is tired of qouting Megadeth. Vic comments on the whole court case, providing his own version of what SHOULD have happened in the case:*

Judge: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, HAVE YOU REACHED A VERDICT?"

Jury: "Yes, your honor. We find the defendant GUILTY, on ALL COUNTS, for crimes against ALL HUMANITY!"

Judge: "By virtue of the jury's decision, and the power
vested in me by the state, I hereby sentence you to be
INCARCERATED with NO possibility of parole......FOR LIFE!!"

Defendant: "LIFE?...Whadda ya mean life?...I ain't got a life!!!!!"

Baliff: "Boy, your soul better belong to Jesus!...
Mmm-hmmm.......cause your ass belongs to me, HAHAHAHA!"

[DEATH]

*the currently non-entity Donkey wonders why he was sold to baliff as punishment for the defendant..."

[GAH(s)]

*The witness stand then calls forth famed and holy author J.R.R. Tolkien, to explain the nature of the transaction. "If you have ever seen a dragon in a pinch," he began, "you will realize that this was only poetical exaggeration applied to any hobbit, even to Old Took's great-grand-uncle Bullroarer, who was so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse . He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment. Exhausted from his revelation of the facts of the matter, the author returns to his return repose within the rather tedious stomach of Mediocre Uncle Pergy(s) [hereafter MUP(s), the close relations of GAH(s)]. MUP(s) scratches his cheek and then commences to sleep, while Generally Grouchipoop pulls a taco off his ear. Adolf Hitler briefly enters into the wrong door and then exits, while DEATH challenges Sheldonette to a game of catch with Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles.*

[x]

*General Grimmace (or known to anuses as general grouchipoop) finds true happiness once again since the judge ito had died. he remembers what horrible things took place the last time he tried to shingle an elephant (the moon got swallowed by a pig, the beast (your car GAH) was suddenly stricken with no-battery-ness because some weezels from the hood stole the battery for their own non-evil turned evil purposes, he married kelsay jones, his home computer blew up (leaving millions without sunlight for decades), a pair of trousers named jangliadeshmavilleness killed 400,000,000 squirrel turds babies' frogs, and ... wait. i didn't marry kelsay... and if i did, it certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. well... btw, she is much hotter than before DEATH... ok, that was dumb. so those were the bad things that happened the last time G. G. tried shingling an elephant. but i didn't go into detail about the after effects of the moon being swallowed by a pig. well ,the tides went bazako and i need to remember the sheena quotes for the dumb ones, and the ocean rose 4 milli-meters a day for a millenium. this proceeded to flood everything except the grand town of auburn which was saved by a tower of babel-like structure that all americans pitched in on, until some stupid arab sand monkeys tried blowing it up with civilian airliners. then grimmace's national guard training was useful. he developed an anti-civilian-airplane-defense-system (or the anti-andy system) by placing some WWII German 88's a thousand meters up, every 2 feet for a mile. above that was going to be a mile of sherman tank barrels. but since everyone knows they're useless, they got thrown into the ocean, making it rise higher. we finally decided to stick 1 million daisy and tiki act-alike dogs on top, to scare all terrorist causing events back to the whale bellies they came from.

when the pig was slaughtered, the moon was trasnported back to it's original place, and that's what really happened to noah's ark...

and now i can't remember where i was ever going with this. oh yes... General Grimmaces true happiness. well, like usual, his joy came from THE DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!. but he was finally truly happy when his headers were installed, which could be as soon as 3 days, with the help of BOB (nate b) and gerdey (jared). then he met the woman of his dreams and had 40 kids with her, because they both were 'life-changed' (i still say murdered by muskrats) about 8 times each.

[DEATH]

*Vic remarks to J.R.R. explaining Donkey's sale*
"You say you got the answers....well WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY?"
*He then continues in his irrelevant speech of MD lyrics, saying: *
"I lost my mind, I lost all my money
I lost my life to the killing road!"

*DEATH, having sat boredly for a few days, hijacks a large truck and runs over everyone involved in the thread, even Vic*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*Destruction punches general grimmace in the teeth for typing too much

[DEATH]

*Realizing the thrash metal bias that currently exists within the thread, DEATH decides to create a living moniker for Metallica to balance things. He creates Anger (formerly known as St. Anger, but immediately having his sainthood REVOKED for obvious reasons, and currently attempting to work 3 miracles on the original members of metallica, as to obtain canonization). Anger is unlike Vic.
Vic is a walking, talking skeleton who is usually seen on Megadeth albums carrying a machine gun, and has metal riveted over his eye sockets and ear holes, with chains hanging from his ears.
Anger however, is merely a large living white Gibson Explorer with Lars' head attached at the end of the neck, as opposed to a headstock. He can walk and talk, just as Vic can. He immediately begins blathering nonsense to other members of the thread:*

"FACE THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE!!!!"

*DEATH then creates another character to serve no obvious purpose, but to be odd and have the crap beaten out of him by the other thread members. He is also currently the only superhero in the thread. HE IS QUESTION MARK MAN! He walks up to Anger and says:*

"I HAVE ARRIVED....I AM QUESTION MARK MAN!!!"

*Anger is annoyed and remarks:*

"Bang your head against the stage like you never have before!!! Make it RING!!! Make it BLEED!!! Make it REALLY SORE!!!"

*Vic observes, and comments:*

"This behavior is quite insane.....but we do it for the fame!!"

[The Shadow]

*General Grouchipoop's happiness is interrupted by all thread participants breaking into his home, slaying all 40 children and the man of his dreams (no one was fooled by the insinuation of heterosexuality), and Bjorg gets out his trusty hammer. Grouchipoop is slain...again. Then everyone returns to the burnt-out shell of THE BASE and THE SHERRIFF leads a lynch mob to deal with QUESTION MARK MAN. Sheldonette groans from the afterlife for the spirit of ActsOfStupidity to revive him.*

[x]

*General Grimmace comes back as a humanoidishly thing and realizes, i have only 394,000,000 more deaths until i make it to heaven!!!!!!!!!! but he is angry that he is the only one (besides judge ito) dying and decides to do somethinga bout it. Grimmace uses his national guard training to steal 4000 m-16a2's and 203 attacments along with ammo. so then he stealthily runs his new hummer (also stolen) and runs over sheldonett, pumping 100 rounds into his horrible body. he then finds sheldon and DEATH and fires 3 203 grenade rounds into each of their mouths... then wires them shut with duct tape and shoves pencils into their proboscus. he uses an incindiary 203 round to burn ATLAS 9 times, then moves on to judge ito, who is already dead. he runs over judge ito 9 times, then pumps 99999999 rounds into his eye sockets, and nostrils and mouth. general grimmace then burns him at the stake. he then finds vengeance for bjorg's lettuce donuts. he wires a thousand lettuce donuts with c-7 explosives and makes bjorg eat them all until they are all gone or eaten by random birds that fly by and eventually land on the shoulders of thanatos and Mnemesomne, dropping c-7/lettuce donut poop all over them. keenan then thinks, "i can't wait any longer" and clicks the trigger, causing them all to explode, they all explode 9 times. franklin roosevelt then decides to enter the conflict, with only a stick to stick in grimmace's ear. but unlike sheena, he is in a wheelchair, and none too stealthy. so grimmace sticks FDR, Sherriff, and destruction all in the same jail cell with ted kennedy, monica lewinsky, and the clintons. since killing them would be too much trouble, he lets them sit in a straight-cow cell, full of gay cows, who continually and habitually rape everyone inside. after 40 half-lives of this, grimmace grows weary, and decides to cut off their heads at the adam's apple. GAH and mrs. GAH step outside their cake to see what's going on and immediatly get blown to smithereens by remote cameras with mountaed m-60's and SAW's. ShemorgisBjorg sees all this and has a heart attack, like sheep when they get a little stress. Grimmace gets tired of killing, and decides to kill but one more character, great aunt hades. he strings her up with a million spiders' webs, and lets her hang by the neck until dead 14 times past 9 times... in affect, 23 times. yngvie is invited to move into Grimmace's castle and play beautiful music for grimmace and... grimmace's mistress, the beautiful kelsea, whome he did infact marry. the stuff from hell was burned in hell along with the souls of all the characters killed. jrr tolkien is named grimmace's speech writer. vic and MUP run around the town (grimmace's hometown of indian cave state park) randomly punching themselves in the back of the face. Anger sees them doing this, thinks it is cool, and follows them around the park trails and follows suit (spades). question mark man !!!! is timminated. no killing him, that's too nice. he was fired 45 times, terminated 34 times, then timminated and stuck inside of a nuclear missile that was about to hit iraq.

[x]

*grimmace is tired, and mistakenly believes that by killing everyone who created all these dumb new characters taht noone can hope to remember, he somehow stops the creation of new characters. he was deceived, when little Grimmace popped out.*

[DEATH]

*after resurrecting himself, DEATH reminds General Grimmace that Atlas is stone, and Thanatos cannot be reached for comment or detonation*

[The Shadow]

*Concurring with DEATH's admonition, Sheldonette notes (from the other side) that he and FDR cannot be reached for detonation either, since they have yet to be resurrected from their previous deaths. And how can General Grouchipoop perform said slayings anyway, since he just died for the sixth time, and no one has bothered to raise him from the dead? Bjrog, busy reassembling his internal organs, agrees. Sheldonette and DEATH then decide to lead everybody in a rousing 25 billion repetitions of "C'mon, Cletus!".*

[DEATH]

*DEATH notes that one may resurrect himself, as General Grimmace did*

*QUESTION MARK MAN interrupts saying:*

"Quickly, GAH(s)!!! TO THE MARK-MOBILE!"

[The Shadow]

*Thus illumined, Sheldonette resurrects himself, yet "forgets" to give the secret of resurrection to FDR. He then proceeds to retract his approximately 25 billion "C'mon, Cletus!"'s as an apology to Grouchipoop, then reissues them and adds another 25 billion for killing him (Sheldonette) and writing long posts, respectively. Sheldonette then amputates FDR's tongue and sews it into his own mouth as a replacement for his former tongue, which has been worn to a nub due to all the "C'mon, Cletus!"ing.*