THE OFFICIAL ROLE PLAYING THREAD

[The Shadow]

*Finally forcing himself to read Grouchipoop's excessively long and repetitive post, Sheldonette notes that GAH(s) is neither "he" nor "she", but a hermaphrodite, which means it reproduces by slapping itself in the face and hoping for "childern". ShemorgisBjorg comes to Grouchipoop's aid and attempts to disprove this theory, stating that Sheldonette is not a hermaphrodite, yet produced him (ShemorgisBjorg) after a similar asexual fashion. Sheldonette manages to keep ShemorgisBjorg occupied until Bjorg can whip out the trusty warhammer and fire ShemorgisBjorg. Meanwhile, THE SHERRIFF arrests Grouchipoop for excessive posting and throws him to THE LIONS, which are miraculously transformed by a strangely merciful Question Mark Man into THE LINENS, causing Grouchipoop to land safely. THE SHERRIFF then shoots Question Mark Man dead for obstruction of injustice. Sheldonette goes to geography class.*
*Sheldonette returns from geography class to find that the fourth page is barren, save for his own post. He decides to introduce one more character to this topic...*
*Dr. Editorrr enters thread, his sole purpose being to summarize General Grouchipoop's oh-so-long posts, providing those with either short attention span or high intelligence an alternative to these scourges of the thread. He decides to start with General Grouchipoop's response to his re-christening.*

[The Shadow]

General said:

*General Grimmace (or known to anuses as general grouchipoop) finds true happiness once again since the judge ito had died. he remembers what horrible things took place the last time he tried to shingle an elephant (the moon got swallowed by a pig, the beast (your car GAH) was suddenly stricken with no-battery-ness because some weezels from the hood stole the battery for their own non-evil turned evil purposes, he married kelsay jones, his home computer blew up (leaving millions without sunlight for decades), a pair of trousers named jangliadeshmavilleness killed 400,000,000 squirrel turds babies' frogs, and ... wait. i didn't marry kelsay... and if i did, it certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. well... btw, she is much hotter than before DEATH... ok, that was dumb. so those were the bad things that happened the last time G. G. tried shingling an elephant. but i didn't go into detail about the after effects of the moon being swallowed by a pig. well ,the tides went bazako and i need to remember the sheena quotes for the dumb ones, and the ocean rose 4 milli-meters a day for a millenium. this proceeded to flood everything except the grand town of auburn which was saved by a tower of babel-like structure that all americans pitched in on, until some stupid arab sand monkeys tried blowing it up with civilian airliners. then grimmace's national guard training was useful. he developed an anti-civilian-airplane-defense-system (or the anti-andy system) by placing some WWII German 88's a thousand meters up, every 2 feet for a mile. above that was going to be a mile of sherman tank barrels. but since everyone knows they're useless, they got thrown into the ocean, making it rise higher. we finally decided to stick 1 million daisy and tiki act-alike dogs on top, to scare all terrorist causing events back to the whale bellies they came from.

when the pig was slaughtered, the moon was trasnported back to it's original place, and that's what really happened to noah's ark...

and now i can't remember where i was ever going with this. oh yes... General Grimmaces true happiness. well, like usual, his joy came from THE DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!. but he was finally truly happy when his headers were installed, which could be as soon as 3 days, with the help of BOB (nate b) and gerdey (jared). then he met the woman of his dreams and had 40 kids with her, because they both were 'life-changed' (i still say murdered by muskrats) about 8 times each.

*Dr. Editorrr summarizes General Grouchipoop's post thusly:*
"Here we see the subject's intense insecurity, as he claims to be the only character experiencing that phenomenon known as death, ignoring, as he does, the passing on of such illustrious characters as FDR, FDR's son, and Sheldonette himself. The subject then goes on to claim responsibility for avoiding a fanciful series of catastrophes, after which point he apparently emerges as the savior of Auburn. A gross misappropriation, to be sure (gross misappropriation - what's he on?!). He then writes of an alleged heterosexual relationship resulting in forty children. Needless to say, it is obvious that the relationship was not so, and the children, whose tangibility was confirmed by mass murderer/home decorator Bjorg, were no doubt adopted. A bevy of off-topic references to other threads are also infused into this gem of stupidity, which has already received the only reward it deserves (a punch in the face, already attended to by ActsOfStupidity). I give it a big red [glow=red,2,300]F."[/glow]

[The Shadow]

*Dr. Editorrr lets loose a string of expletives upon discovering that the SCC internet connection went down while he was typing his analysis of General Grouchipoop's alleged killing spree, so that when he hit the "POST" button, all progress was BALEETED.
Dr. Editorrr then prints off Grouchipoop's posts for future review, and toddles off to class. Meanwhile, General Grouchipoop plugs the Internet cable back in, snickering. Bjorg hears the snickering and reports to Dr. Editorrr, "Master, they are here!" Dr. Editorr promptly returns to retype his analysis while Bjorg proceeds to skin Grouchipoop once more, this time for use as a rug. Grouchipoop's ribs are used as knitting needles, and his skull used as a football for the game THE SHERRIFF and QUESTION MARK MAN are playing, THE SHERRIFF having retracted his bullet after QUESTION MARK MAN agreed to change THE LINENS back into THE LIONS. Bjorg then throws Grouchipoop's bones to THE LIONS, where they are rapidly consumed. Sheldonette uses the distraction to his advantage, and ends the ICBM catch game by throwing the object directly at the back of DEATH's face while DEATH is occupied in taking aim at QUESTION MARK MAN. Sheldonette then apologizes for his post being too long and punches himself in the face, fatally wounding his nose, which is then cut off and donated to science.*

[The Shadow]

General said:

*General Grimmace comes back as a humanoidishly thing and realizes, i have only 394,000,000 more deaths until i make it to heaven!!!!!!!!!! but he is angry that he is the only one (besides judge ito) dying and decides to do somethinga bout it. Grimmace uses his national guard training to steal 4000 m-16a2's and 203 attacments along with ammo. so then he stealthily runs his new hummer (also stolen) and runs over sheldonett, pumping 100 rounds into his horrible body. he then finds sheldon and DEATH and fires 3 203 grenade rounds into each of their mouths... then wires them shut with duct tape and shoves pencils into their proboscus. he uses an incindiary 203 round to burn ATLAS 9 times, then moves on to judge ito, who is already dead. he runs over judge ito 9 times, then pumps 99999999 rounds into his eye sockets, and nostrils and mouth. general grimmace then burns him at the stake. he then finds vengeance for bjorg's lettuce donuts. he wires a thousand lettuce donuts with c-7 explosives and makes bjorg eat them all until they are all gone or eaten by random birds that fly by and eventually land on the shoulders of thanatos and Mnemesomne, dropping c-7/lettuce donut poop all over them. keenan then thinks, "i can't wait any longer" and clicks the trigger, causing them all to explode, they all explode 9 times. franklin roosevelt then decides to enter the conflict, with only a stick to stick in grimmace's ear. but unlike sheena, he is in a wheelchair, and none too stealthy. so grimmace sticks FDR, Sherriff, and destruction all in the same jail cell with ted kennedy, monica lewinsky, and the clintons. since killing them would be too much trouble, he lets them sit in a straight-cow cell, full of gay cows, who continually and habitually rape everyone inside. after 40 half-lives of this, grimmace grows weary, and decides to cut off their heads at the adam's apple. GAH and mrs. GAH step outside their cake to see what's going on and immediatly get blown to smithereens by remote cameras with mountaed m-60's and SAW's. ShemorgisBjorg sees all this and has a heart attack, like sheep when they get a little stress. Grimmace gets tired of killing, and decides to kill but one more character, great aunt hades. he strings her up with a million spiders' webs, and lets her hang by the neck until dead 14 times past 9 times... in affect, 23 times. yngvie is invited to move into Grimmace's castle and play beautiful music for grimmace and... grimmace's mistress, the beautiful kelsea, whome he did infact marry. the stuff from hell was burned in hell along with the souls of all the characters killed. jrr tolkien is named grimmace's speech writer. vic and MUP run around the town (grimmace's hometown of indian cave state park) randomly punching themselves in the back of the face. Anger sees them doing this, thinks it is cool, and follows them around the park trails and follows suit (spades). question mark man !!!! is timminated. no killing him, that's too nice. he was fired 45 times, terminated 34 times, then timminated and stuck inside of a nuclear missile that was about to hit iraq.

*Dr. Editorrr summarizes Grouchipoop's post thusly:*
"First off, let me just say 'C'mon, Cletus!' to General Grouchipoop for his disconnection of my internet connection. Ahem, 'C'mon, Cletus!' Now, I will deign to continue."
*Dr. Editorrr shoots General Grimmace's empty skull a dirty look.*
"Anyway, once again, we see the subject struggling for identity in a hostile digital/fantastic society, this time by means of a fanciful killing spree that sees the supposed death of 15 characters, 4 of which do not exist ("sheldonett"? "sheldon"? "GAH"? "mrs GAH"? Oh, come now, Mr. Grouchipoop, you can do better than that, surely.), and two of which (Judge Ito and FDR) were dead already. He also says that QUESTION MARK MAN is not worthy of death, and is accordingly Timinated, which the subject suggests as a more severe system of punishment. However, if the reader will care to recall, the action of "Timination" (as defined in the IJK) is actually not punishment at all, as DEATH observes in the CiY '03 Notes. Therefore, it would appear that QUESTION MARK MAN has been allowed to go free. A travesty indeed, as QUESTION MARK MAN was expressly created for the sole purpose of being repeatedly slain!"
*By way of proving his point, Dr. Editorrr promptly turns and executes QUESTION MARK MAN with an arbalest. THE SHERRIFF is momentarily confused, then sits down to suck on a femur thrown out of the pit by THE LIONS.*
"The subject goes on to say that the Stuff From Hell was burned in Hell...however, this does not make sense either; if it were "From Hell" in the first place, one would assume that it is already well used to Hell's conflagatory nature, correct? Furthermore, Grouchipoop claims, again, to be involved in a straight relationship. Are we really to believe this fallacy, taking into consideration General Grouchipoop's participation in The Sport That Should Not Be, deviant obsession with F--D vehicles, previous abhorrent relationship (recently curtailed by proper application of Bjorg's war hammer), and assertion (in another thread) that he likes men? How very hand, General Grouchipoop!"
*Dr. Editorrr then takes the skull from THE SHERRIFF and throws it to THE LIONS, commanding them to use it as a toilet. They do so.*
"Finally, the subject claims to have fired the late QUESTION MARK MAN 45 times, with a resultant 34 terminations. However, even Sheldonette can assert that 45 firings would result in a mere 15 terminations, less than half of General Grouchipoop's drastically exaggerated figure (or number, for that matter). For this reason, I call his post LAST PLACE."

[DEATH]

*DEATH utilizes his personal Strategic Missile Defense System system installed in his Camaro to thwart the oncoming ICBM. He then runs over QUESTION MARK MAN and returns to his body, taking the time to burn out on his FACE. He drives off after having done his good deed for the day*

[x]

*grimmace runs into the middle of the football game that is currently going on, and tackles SHERRIF and takes back his head, thusly breaking SHERRIF's neck in 4 places. gives sheldonette and dr. editorrr 25 billion c'mon cletus's for writing such a long summary to general grimmace's insanely long, ridiculous posts. after picking his organs (eyes, mouth, nose, brain) up off hte 'football field', grimmace puts is had back on, then fires a bullet straight into it, so that noone else can do so, also giving him a brand new body 9 times in the last second. decides to zizzerate GAH(s) and question mark man for absolutely no reason, and decides to also zizzerate sheldonette for saying "c'mon cletus" so much. then decides to leave the country before DEATH accidentally drops intercontinental ballistic missiles that he (they) was (were) playing catch with.*

[x]

* and the general also finds it gross that you, sheldonette, would take fdr's tongue... and a dead tongue at that. what would mrs. fdr think? and what the HE11 (those are numeral 'one''s, not 'l''s)... so i'll just put heck in here... am i still a night? and not a knight? come on llllllllllllllllllllloser!*

[ActsOfStupidity]

[glow=red,2,300]*Thomas kicks DEATH in the teeth for living...*[/glow]

[DEATH]

*DEATH devours Thomas' foot*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*Mrs. FDR kills DEATH after he gets done chokin' on Thomas's Toenail*

[DEATH]

*DEATH resurrects self, then wonders who resurrected/created (however you wanna look at it) Mrs. FDR...*
"what?"
*DEATH then mows down Thomas and Mrs. FDR with a sub-machine gun, and when the resurrected QUESTION MARK MAN attempts to interfere, he pushes him off of a really big cliff, and does a dance in celebration*

[ActsOfStupidity]

*Thomas resurrects himself and uses a small shovel to bash DEATH's head in, resulting in the penetration of his brain and instant Deth(More permanent form of death, not to be confused with DEATH and harder to come back from...i'm retarded)*

[DEATH]

*Vic walks in and questions about whether Deth would be reference to Megadeth, as it is often used as such...he is shot for asking, but not killed, as he is simply a somehow living skelton which cannot be killed...DEATH resurrects himself, and commands QUESTION MARK MAN to avenge him and lay waste to Destruction and anyone associated with FDR. QUESTION MARK MAN leaves for the kill....*

[The Shadow]

*THE SHERRIFF remarks, "This has gotten out of hand!" He requisitions an appropriate amount of handcuffs and begins the arrests. Thomas and DEATH evade the law by diving their Yellow Submarine to approximately 50,000 ft. below sea level. Unfortunately, they fail to notice that Catward (a feline belonging to Sheldonette) is on board, and over time gets lonelier and lonelier. He begins the amorous hunt...
Meanwhile, QUESTION MARK MAN is put on trial before the miraculously revived Judge Ito, on account of being a living being. QUESTION MARK MAN pleads innocent to all charges. GAH(s) is brought in to testify, but refuses to cooperate. THE SHERRIFF slaps him in the face as a motivational gesture. GAH(s) suddenly screams from the witness box "OH NO OH NO OH NO - AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!" shortly before Thanatos (again) erupts from its navel and consumes THE SHERRIFF after a violent and messy fashion. Bjorg and Dr. Editorrr break into the room and free Sheldonette. Realizing it is all up to him, Judge Ito orders that THE LIONS be unleashed. Thinking quickly, Sheldonette sacrifices FDR to THE oncoming LIONS, and separately tosses FDR's wheelchair at Judge Ito. Meanwhile, Thanatos drags a stomachless GAH(s) out the back, apologizing:*
"Sorry, dad."
"I'm not your dad."
"Sorry, mom."
"I'm not your mom."
"Sorry, legal guardian."
"That works."
*Judge Ito screams, "It's not legal! I did not approve it!" from behind the wheelchair. He is knocked out by one of FDR's flying limbs.*

[GAH(s)]

*After sewing up its bellyboooootton, the GAH(s) takes Thanatos out to an abandoned salt mind and decapitates him. Shemorgisbjorg uses the head for an ottoman, and Generally Grouchipoop's organs start a Disembodied Anonymous club with Thanatos' body. However, halfway through the first meeting, DEATH and DETH come in and destroy not only the remaining bodyparts but also the very idea of Generally Grouchipoop's and Thanatos' respective existences (this is the fashion in which DETH's destruction is more complete than DEATH's: he destroys the memory of people's lives[!]). Thus, Generally Grouchipoop is forced to find some other moniker and entity if he wishes to exist, and Thanatos is just toast. Meanwhile Al Gore enters the thread and begins to date Bjorg, while Sheldonette looks on in envy and sucks a rib.*