THE OFFICIAL ROLE PLAYING THREAD

[DEATH]

*in an attempt to simplify things around The Thread, DEATH detonates thermonuclear device with a damage potential of 900 megadeths on The Thread, killing everyone and destroying everything, including self. All characters must be resurrected again if you wish to use them, all starts anew. DEATH resurrects himself, then Vic, Anger, and QUESTION MARK MAN*

*QUESTION MARK MAN begins to question the integrity of DEATH:*
"LEADERSHIP?! Leadership my sine function!!!! That was a VERY SENSITIVE JUNCTION!! What's the matter with you, got STATIC IN YOUR RECTIFIERS or what?"

[DEATH]

*DEATH backhands QUESTION MARK MAN in the face for questioning his authoritay (!!!), and QUESTION MARK MAN walks off disgraced amoungst the nuclear wasteland remains of The Thread*

*Being by themselves with nobody to distract them, Anger and Vic begin arguing:*

"What do you mean, 'I hurt your feelings'?
I didn't know you had any feelings!"

"I can't believe the things you say
I can't believe, I can't believe the price you pay
Nothing can save you!"

"It gives me a migraine headache
Thinking down to your level!"

"I'm your source of self-destruction!"

"Cease to speak or cease to breathe!"

"Take a look to the sky just before you die
It's the last time he will!"

"My hammer's a cold piece of blood-lethal steel.
I grin while you writhe with the pain that I deal!"

"Chop your breakfast on a mirror!!!"

"I'm not a fish...I'M A MAN!!!"

*after several intense exchanges, Vic loses control and punches the LARShead of Anger in the FACE. Anger is rendered unconscious. After being bored, Vic begins to play Anger (who is a guitar with a human head after all...the strings are strung to the chin), which awakens Anger, who is furious and demands that Vic stop playing hellacious stuff on his fretboard. QUESTION MARK MAN, observing Anger's guitar strap around Vic notes:*

"LOL!! Look! St. Anger round his neck!! LOL!!"

[The Shadow]

*Sheldonette resurrects himself, Bjorg, and Dr. Editorrr. Unfortunately, the resurrection goes awry for some inexplicable reason, and Bjorg suddenly loses all his bones and becomes a gelatinous blob. He now travels by SuperSoaker 3000, as carried by Dr. Editorrr.*

[The Shadow]

*Sheldonette then wonders how DEATH and ActsofStupidity escaped from Catward, but decides to put such thoughts aside and attack General Grouchipoop. First, Grouchipoop must be resurrected. This is done. Sheldonette and Dr. Editorrr strap Grouchipoop to a table, then Dr. Editorrr stands at the ready while Sheldonette uses a jigsaw to open Grouchipoop's stomach.*
"Fire the Bjorg-Blaster!"
*Dr. Editorrr does so, using the SuperSoaker to send Bjorg flying through the air. Bjorg is thusly injected into Grouchipoop's internal cavity (if you remember correctly, his organs were consumed by THE LIONS) and proceeds to pound the tar out of his host...from the INSIDE!!! *

[DEATH]

*Anger frees himself from Vic, and in an act of passion, allies with QUESTION MARK MAN and declares war on all currently living members of the thread, thus starting Thread War One. He beckons all who will to ally with him and QUESTION MARK MAN in the fight against Sheldonette, DEATH, Vic and Dr. Editorrr. Both sides begin war preparations and remain anxious for characters to resurrect themselves to join the war cause on either side. DEATH declares his side the Powers That Be, while Anger declares his side the Powers that Should Not Be. Anger issues an ultimatum stating that fighting will begin after the 75th post has been posted within this thread.*

[The Shadow]

*THE SHERRIFF and ShemorgisBjorg resurrect themselves and run to join The Powers That Should Not Be. Dr. Editorrr uses a syringe to retrieve Bjorg from the writhing General Grimmace, and replaces him within the SuperSoaker 3000. GAH(s) is invited to join the Powers That Be, while Sheldonette assembles an army of fiercely loyal leprechauns to do his and DEATH's bidding (s?). ShemorgisBjorg, accordingly, begins arming his congregation of Red Hats.*
*Poster's note: This is so weird...check out what I just found!: smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/22/22_1_26.gif' alt='Red Hat Society

[ActsOfStupidity]

*ActsOfStupidity and Destruction create the NWO (New Wonderous Omlettes)
*QUESTION MARK MAN decides to shoot a random ALBATROSS flying overhead
*Anger suddenly becomes attached to QUESTION MARK MAN's neck and cannot be removed
*A ghost ship carrying Death (not DEATH) and Life-In-Death arrives and takes QUESTION MARK MAN and Anger away to the SOUTH POLE until they figure out how to get free

[ActsOfStupidity]

*Destruction and ActsOfStupidity start slapping QUESTION MARK MAN in the face and hope that the demon children will come fight for them during the GREAT WAR

[DEATH]

*QUESTION MARK MAN frees himself from Anger and ships himself and Anger back to the P.T.S.N.B. Central Command to scheme. The Powers That Should Not Be offer a non-agression pact to the NWO, and propose that they join the P.T.S.N.B. in the war against the Powers That Be. The NWO is offered obnoxiously large sums of money and a lifetime supply of fishsticks in turn for joining the P.T.S.N.B.*

*After writing out his speech, the co-commander of the P.T.S.N.B., QUESTION MARK MAN, declares in a public address that the Powers That Be will be swiftly and completely annhilated by the obvious superiority of the P.T.S.N.B. Anger, currently the other co-commander of the P.T.S.N.B., concurs with the speech, saying:*

"Blow...the...universe....into.....NOTHINGNESS!!!!
NUCLEAR WARFARE SHALL LAY US TO REST!!!

*After delivering speech, QUESTION MARK MAN goes back to being slapped by ActsOfStupidity and Destruction*

[GAH(s)]

GAH(s) turns up and decides that it shall send everyone to Hell, ironically, to cool off. However, this only makes things worse, when the ammunition stores start exploding due to excess amounts of heat. MUP(s) and GAH(s) get into a vehement argument over what exactly put that gross hole in GAH(s)' stomach lining and eventually realize that the reason that they can't find the cause for this affliction is that Thanatos' memory has been erased. Baffled at how they can realize this fact without in fact remembering Thanatos, they decide to take a break and braid Sheldonette's hair with serpents. DETH mistakes this for the Medusa, and turns, inexplicably, to stone. Since Bjorg was applying a choke hold to DETH, his propinquity insures that his left arm is turned to stone. DEATH immediately begins to use it to beat Bjorg's face with, and Question Mark man slaps the newly entered Colonel Shadow in the crotch with a salmon. A passing praying mantis on its way to vespers eats its mate (shockingly revealed to be Shemorgisbjorg) and utter pandemonium ensues, as Catward ominously wraps his front paws around the abdomen of Dr. Editorrr, only to be bitten in half by Vic, who is in turn masticated by THE LIONS. The demon children, who have not fought anyone, are logically punished and sent to their room for good behavior. When the raging inferno has reached its peak, GAH(s) and MUP(s) decide to mend their differences by throwing a lingerie party, and both give themselves a set of Victoria's Secret (R) Everlast (R) chastity belts. The bottom half of Catward (thrown off by the confusion, no doubt) mistakes the top half of Bjorg's biforcated body for its own, and assumes the name Bjorgward. He (they) then tawdles off to the Netherworld where the dead memories of Thanatos and Generally Grouchipoop sit in silent horror as Bjorgward creeps toward them saying, "Hello dearests!"*

[The Shadow]

*Judge Ito declares himself to actually be a reincarnation of Neville Chamberlain.*
"Stop the fighting! Stop the fighting! Listen, my real name's Neville, and I know allllllll about peace. I say that the NWO, PTB, INOB, and PTSNB all be appeased by my grand nation of Nevillopotamia. No more war!"
*Colonel Shadow appears, slaps Ito in the face, and says, "Dude, join the Powers That Should Not Be. Everybody's doing it. Except for half of my alter egos, but hey, who cares?" They go off together to PTSNB base, arm-in-arm and tra-la-la-ing. Meanwhile, back in his dark palace, The Shadow confers with Chronicler.*
"Well, old buddy, it's finally happened. War's about to break loose on the thread. I hear the Colonel's gone ahead and allied against DEATH and Sheldonette."
"Good grief, man! Has he gone MAD?!?!?"
"So which side should we join?"
"Well..." Chronicler ponders the developments. "I suppose we must be faithful to Mother."
"Oh yes," agrees The Shadow. "We must always follow Mother's example."
"I love my Mother."
*That being said, The Shadow and Chronicler join forces with DEATH and Sheldonette, bringing their respective armies of wraiths and Notes. It promises to be a vicious war indeed.*

*ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTE!!!: Ummmmmm, this thread's getting really long, so in an effort to keep it manageable and readable, I'll lock it when we hit the 75th post, and open a new thread for the Thread War. Doesn't mean we stop the insanity; we just do it in a different thread. My reasons for doing so will be published in the upcoming Shady Update, which, if I may add, is the TWELFTH MONTHLY EMAIL!!! WOOHOO!!! Even though it is marked on my computer as the fifteenth...oh well. Right, so when post Nombre 75 hits, we'll begin the war in a specially established thread.

[The Shadow]

*Bjorg wonders how he has become the top half of Bjorgward when he is still a gelatinous blob. At that moment, a rescue mission led by The Shadow frees Bjorg from Catward's lower half (which eventually wanders into THE WASTELANDS) while Dr. Editorrr removes Bjorg's lower half from Vic's digestive system. Bjorg is then reloaded into the SuperSoaker 3000 and vows not to come out until Thread War One. The demon children sneak out of their rooms and offer their services to the King of Wyoming, commander of ActsofStupidity and Destruction, while Thanatos, Memnesomne, Atlas, Medusa, and Hel (Norse goddess of the afterlife, not to be confused with Hell) assemble their forces and promise to serve GAH(s), and GAH(s) only. This brings the Powers That Be up to three nations. Frightening.*

[GAH(s)]

*Outraged at the fact that it has been left out of GAH(s) and GAH(s)' unity of evilnity (and by the fact that GAH(s) released everyone from Hell without permission), MUP(s) vows revenge and breaths out murderous threats against the Powers That Be. This of course means that he casts his lot in with the Powers That Should Not Be. He flies out to Northern Omaha to plot with the newly created Hudson, HMeister, and Kirk Hammett, who have decided to wage war against their wayward ward, GAH(s). Hudson and MUP(s) talk about the good old days when Dr. Pepper was still made in Waco, Texas and guitar playing met heavy METAL! Spurred on by hearing this, Kirk Hammett engages the HMeister in a strategizing conversation for the upcoming war.

"Speaking of heavy METAL, I think our primary method of attack should consist of large tour vans being thrown onto our opposition; I've seen this method used and can vouch for its efficacy. I think if we do it, we'll have the chance to hear everyone screaming...except for them."

"I quite agree, Quirky my boy, but first, I have decided along with the Shadow and the Chronicler that it is within the best interest of serving Mother that we ally with the Independent Nation of Bob [INoB], since they have quite a fleet of Delta 88's to assault the enemy with."

Their strategizing complete, all four members of the so-called "Omaha Chapter" of the PTSNB fly out to the Shadow's fortress on an INoB luxury D-88 Stuka, complete with Supersoaker 23000, which are loaded with cloned substances of the now-gelatinous Bjorg. The world groans with anticipation of the oncoming melee...*

[The Shadow]

*Fearing for his subjects, The Shadow orders them to evacuate the Dark Palace, while Chronicler puts his linguistic talents to the test and sends off a flowery letter to Jan Sobieski, famed breaker of the siege of Vienna by the Ottoman Turks. Sobieski politely tells him to fight his own stupid thread war. Assuming the appropriate Heather-Myers-just-before-bawling face, Chronicler tells Sheldonette to get his fairy butt over to the Dark Palace, and bring the leprechauns too. Upon receiving the transmission, Sheldonette orders his leprechauns to mobilize. O'Doyle, a cranky veteran leprechaun, objects.*
O'Doyle: "None of us hyar leprechauns are a-ginna be fightin' no thread wars without aur pots o'gold, matey!"
Vic: "Y'know what? You ssssssuck!"
*Vic then obliterates O'Doyle with a nearby Polaris, thus making an example out of him to the other leprechauns, who agree to follow Sheldonette's orders and march out to the Dark Palace.*

[Donkey]

*And Donkey creates the character Donkey.*